How Romantic! A Sh*tty Actress and a Pederast!
Dear Mr. Lynnjynh9315,
I appreciate you taking the time to put yourself through the awful trials of watching Twilight and then
writing us here at Mancouch about it. That took a level of balls, which you promptly lost when you talked about your enjoyment of Twilight. You see, Twilight is not just for girls. It's for 12 year old girls. Let me rephrase that. It's for 12 year old dumb girls. This was a cutesy vampire movie based on a collection of poorly written anti-sex screeds featuring two of the worst performances to ever occur in a feature film (was Hayden Christensen not available?) meant to capitalize on the disgusting emo trend currently infecting our nations high schools, making our teenagers wear their bangs over one eye and listen to awful unlistenable music. Now, let's take a look at the points you brought up shall we?
"critics and everyone slinging praises at the series, calling it "the next Harry Potter", and applauding the film as a cult masterpiece"Critics largely panned the film. And I have never once heard it referred to as a "cult masterpiece." Neither one of those words describe this film in the least. It was a blockbuster and my brain can only comprehend using masterpiece in reference to Twilight as an antonym. Maybe if by cult masterpiece they meant that its masterful at creating a following of cult-like zombies I could understand, but I have never heard a single being use that term to describe Twilight.
"It is, essentially, just a high school romance with a neat twist. That said, I really liked it (manhood check... am I still good?)- sure it's a love story, but that's not to say guys don't like a little romance too."Nothing says mature, intelligent romance like high school with a twist. That same description could be used for a far more awesome movie called TeenWolf. I point this out because I, as a man, do like romance. I absolutely do. I just like it to be handled with a little bit of depth and intelligence and less sparkles and unicorns. See
Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind as the perfect example of an intelligent romance with a sci fi twist handled with a level of respect for the depth and complexity of human emotion.
"This becomes overwhelmingly evident when Bella Swan and Edward Cullen start making out in her room and things quickly get out of hand. Sensing that he's losing control of himself, Edward breaks off and leaps away (fact-check: Edward's a vampire... you figure it out). You can see the torment and anguish in his eyes as he says "I can't lose control with you" and in that moment, our respect for Mr. gorgeous deepens considerably; he's more than just a pretty face- he is very (pardon the pun) human. He doesn't just love Bella- he cares for her... and he's deeply afraid that he could hurt her."So many things wrong with this statement. Yes, it is literally about him "losing control" as a vampire, but it's really about him "losing control as a man" and it doesn't take a genius to see it. The message is sex is bad. Men are mindless sex creeps who can't control themselves and women have to be protected from their evil sexy advances. Because no woman would ever want to have sex, right? I have no problem with people saying "hey, kids, you really shouldn't be having sex because of diseases and the worst disease of them all: pregnancy and all that junk." I'm super cool with that. Good message.
I take issue with the message of sex = bad or sex = evil. Sex is not bad, it is not evil. It is a natural expression of love or lust or whatever. It is human, it is natural, and it is good. Teens should wait until they're ready, but teaching them that sex is bad only creates issues that will prevent them from living full happy lives later on. I do not have respect for a man because he's oh-so-tormented by his desire for sex that he just can't control himself, but pulls back at the last second from raping some poor woman. That is a sick man. And he doesn't just love her, he cares for her? Isn't caring for her part of loving her? Did I miss something? Try saying that to a girl sometime. "I don't just love you, I truly care for you." See how that works out for you. Sounds like he didn't really love her until he realized "oh wait, I may be nothing more than a sex-crazed, mindless male, but I just can't rape her."
"let's face it: in a world of uber-power vampire beings, she's only human. It's all too easy to pick on wimpy Bella when she stands shoulder-to-shoulder with all-powerful "gods". She may be the immature one in the relationship- but that's hardly fair when her opposite could in the hundreds or thousands of years old... ... (forgive the age-estimate if I'm wrong- I don't salivate over every random fact in the series)."Wimpiness isn't about physicality. She may be weaker than them physically, but that's no excuse for weakness of spirit and weakness of character. And opposite a dude hundreds or thousands years old? That's creepy as hell. Some "role model" he is. Dude, if you're 100 years old and cruising the local high school for some 'tang, there is something wrong with you. I'm frankly surprised Edward didn't have a van and tickets to the Hannah Montana concert. Maybe she can take him to the mall so he can sign for her to get her ears pierced at Claire's. What would they even talk about?
Bella: Oh, so what music do you like? I totally love the Jonas Brothers and Rhianna.
Edward: uhhhh .... I once ate Johann Sebastian Bach.
Bella: Who's that? Was he like a rapper or something?
Edwards: .... yeeaaa something like that. ... Hey! Would you like some Starburst?
Bella: Would I?!?!
How Romantic! A Sh*tty Actress and a Pederast!
Comments (141)
LMAO. You win.
please choke.
ima twilight fan (;
haha, this is great.
Now, PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT TWILIGHT.
jeez.
Too much Twilight and not enough True Blood!
BAHAHAHA.
thank you.
not only is robert pattison ugly as fuck, this character isn't even HALF as good as his role as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter, though the acting is just as shitty. he seriously looks like a cobra exploding on some ill-consumed sheep or something, especially in the picture above.
not to mention...how can a man claim to like a movie where one of the main characters sparkles in the damn sunlight like a motherfucking My Little Pony or some shit? people on one end of the spectrum say that it was written for a younger audience, but then you have wonder about the author's true intent when bella and edward have sex and shit.
not to mention stefanie meyer has literally RUINED younger girls' outlook on boys, considering that now, unless their boyfriends are JUST LIKE EDWARD they instantly deserve better and said boyfriends must be dumped. i hate how the book was written.
calling this series "the next Harry Potter" is downright INSULTING. the level of sheer genius that went into the minute details that make up Harry Potter straight SHAME meyer's work.
yeah, nothing on harry potter. i'm sorry but no.
hahaha huge burn to the OP
@chayswag@xanga - I don't think I could have said it better if I'd tried my hardest. I 100% agree!!!
@walking_a_long_lonely_road@xanga - xD glad we're on the same level!
::shudder:: i can't stand twilight. it almost ruined my fondess of robert pattinson as cedric diggory.
LMAO i love the ending conversation. but i hated twilight. I hated bella and I hated edward. i hated the werewolves fallin in love with babies.. that is creepy. I used to love it once. that was before I thought about it and analyzed it. when i first read it i was sucked into the love... but i realize that obsessive love they both had was not for me. that book is horrible for any female who reads it and lives by it. it sets a bad example.. I guess the only good example is to wait for marriage to have sex but it might make these crazy kids get married just for sex. (i did not wait till marriage but from my mom's pov... waiting is a good thing...)
my god. its just a book. dont take it so damn seriously.
random thought... how did edward manage to be around bella when she was mentruating?? wouldn't he want to eat her even more? (pun very much intended...sorry)
we all already know that its a highly contradictory, highly hormonal mess that doesn't make sense. we don't need to hear it anymore after this post. as for the realization that he can't have sex with her because he loves her. i get that feeling alot with girls i care for. truly care for. being around that girl is enough and sex is the last thing on my mind. am i the only one who gets that?
@Kikkyo@xanga - agreed!
@Purrty_Pink@xanga
o god, i've never even thought about that, but thanks for bringing it up. that's disgusting. lol. maybe even more disgusting that Twilight, itself.
MissPixieGlitter@xanga
why? before the movie came out, even the thought of Robert playing the role of Cedric Diggory was laughable. your fondness of him can't be out of respect. where's the deserved respect in playing a character who dies in pretty much the same scene he is introduced? he will always get mediocre roles in movies and, yes, his role in Twilight is mediocre. its a mediocre movie and he's not even the main character. Bella is.
@Purrty_Pink@xanga - LOL. :D
@jolee121910@xanga - cedric diggory was a respectable character. just because he dies so quickly in the movie doesn't mean he wasn't a good guy in the books. i like robert pattinson because i think he's pretty, and i associate him with his harry potter character. but playing a broody, possessive vampire made him appear less appealing than when he portrayed golden boy diggory.
i'm not commenting on his talent or lack thereof (lol); i just dislike edward cullen and the twilight franchise.
haha... so full of win.
I fucking love harry potter!
okay ..u win ..
I like this movie ....
LOL.
xD
Wiiiin.
All I got from the book was that Edward liked Bella because she smelled nice.
:]
somethings in this i want to argue against, but i'm not going to. not worth my time, really... and some things i agree with. that conversation between them was awesome, though, i'll give you that. :D
haha yeh
win. good post