Friday, 19 June 2009

  • Historical Bad Ass of the Week!

    It's Friday, so I decided to initiate a little weekend treat for both myself and for you guys: it's a new weekly post!

    Welcome to Letters to an Historical Bad Ass, in which I write a letter to one of history's most notorious, most epic bad asses in the attempt to thank him or her for all that he or she has contributed to our world. Because this is the first week of letters, I'll start things off with my own favorite bad ass: General William Tecumseh Sherman.


    "You talkin' to me?"

    Dear General Sherman,

    How can I even start to thank you for your incredible influence on not just my life but history as well?

    A lot of people think of you as a villain and a douchebag, especially people in the South, which you burned to the ground. During your march from Atlanta to Savannah, you estimated that you had caused over $100 million in property damage, which isn't surprising considering the fact that you had ordered your troops to live off of the goods they'd pillaged and destroy everything else--after you'd evacuated civilians, of course. Your march up from Savannah was anything but a disappointment: South Carolinans still hate you for burning their capital. You oversaw the biggest Confederate surrender in the Civil War, which is twice as bad ass because you did it without government consent!

    You weren't always the beastly general you came to be, of course. But you proved that you don't have to be conducting a war of attrition in order to keep up your bad ass street cred. In the battle of Shiloh not only were you shot twice but also had not one, not two, but three horses shot out from under you. Wow. What a pimp.

    Later in life, you said that "War is Hell." I think what you meant to say is: "War is Hell, and I'm the mothafuckin' Devil!" Mad props to you, Cump. Your total disregard for war etiquette allowed for a crippling Confederate defeat, exascerbated by such blatant douchebaggery as presenting the city of Savannah to Lincoln as a Christmas present or your determination to not only defeat the South but humiliate it.

    Thank you, General Sherman, for being such a bad ass. Lots of people think you were crazy, but I just think you're crazy cool.

    Your friend,
    Will

    * * *

    Who is your pick for next week's Historical Bad Ass?! The more votes a person gets, the higher the chance he or she will be chosen!

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