Saturday, 13 June 2009

  • Why Does Paul McCartney Look Like Angela Lansbery?

     

    Why does Paul McCartney look like Angela Lansbury?

    I'm serious. It's freaking me out. How did this happen? What went wro..... wait a minute ... has anyone ever seen them together in a room at the same time?

    Oh my god! THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON!

    I should have seen this earlier. Holy crap! Paulgela McCansbury, why are you wasting time trying to sell your crappy new albums no one wants to listen to, but you can pawn off to aging boomers desperately grasping to re-live, even for a second, their drug addled youths, at Starbucks? (Who sells their albums at Starbucks anyways? Why not just tattoo their logo on your forehead? You're making John Lennon's corpse cry). There are murders to be solved! Quit wasting your resources churning out unlistenable album after unlistenable album and divorcing one legged psychos, and get to work.

    Yes, yes, I know you were in the Beatles, and Wings had a few good songs, but something happens to all musical artists as they get older. They start to suck or they die. Now, I know there are plenty who think you did that latter, but regardless of whether you're the real you, an alien implant, a cyborg, or really just Angela Lansbury posing as you (the real you having died years ago) the former is awfully true now. Why not do some good for the world and use the skills of the Angela Lansbury Yin to your Paul McCartney Yang. There's a Depression, I think we could all use a little help solving mysterious murders around town. Especially Tom Bosley. He's stuck looking sad and lonely and about to slit his wrists doing infomercials at five in the morning. Think of the children. Think of the Bosley.

    Think of yourself as Superman/Clark Kent. Clark Kent was a hot shot and the talk of the town ... years ago. Now he's just an unassuming guy who's nice enough, but no one really notices. Superman, on the other hand, can save the day. I, personally, think you'd be much more successful and contribute more to society as a crimefighter. But then again I have a tendency of suggest vigilante or crimefighter as a profession (also mad scientist, cyborg police officer, and immortal tyrant - there's a lot of job security in that last one).

    Is anyone else shocked that Paul McCartney look so much like Angela Lansbury?

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