Someone
recently commented that it was "pretty sad you can't or won't sit down and watch a tv show with your girlfriend regardless of what it is about."
We actually watch a decent amount of TV together! We even watch a few shows I don't particular care for- for example (and it pains me to admit this), but the missus loves the Golden Girl and so I've watched more than a few episodes with her.
That said, is it such a bad thing we don't do everything together? I asked the commenter, and here was his reply:
@mancouch So she watches all those shows plus some without you and then both of you watch a bunch together? It seems like you guys focus on tv.
My girlfriend and i personally don't watch television so i guess i could not compare with you on this but the things we do we always do together, if it is not fun or enjoyable to me i still do it with a smile on my face because i know that it is fun/enjoyable for her.
I guess I feel strongly about this one, so here goes.
I think it's healthy to pursue separate interests, and to let the other person know when you are bored out of your mind. I know my girlfriend would love it if I went shopping with her more, but I would rather chew my arm off than go to the mall for hours on end. I don't think she'd be happy shopping with me, knowing how miserable I was.
But there are things we both enjoy, like going to a new restaurant. Haha ok maybe I'm not crazy about how she takes photos of every dish (she often busts out a huge digital DSLR camera and take flash photos, and I embarrass easily), but I can live with it. It's something we love to do together though, so it's all good.
But I also think it's important for us to have our own separate friends and interests. I dunno - I guess I am torn on this. I definitely think compromise is important when a couple is hanging out together. But if you compromise every piece of yourself so that you can spend all your time with your SO... then you can end up losing your own identity.
I guess I'm not a big fan of couples that lose themselves in relationships. It almost never ends well, and when it does... the people involved have no friends left to cry with over a beer.
How about you: do you make it a point to keep your own identity and hobbies while seeing someone? Or do you ever find yourself losing your identity in a relationships?
Comments (14)
A disagreement on this question "should you do everything / most of everything with your SO" can turn into a deal-killer / major sobs.
I know from experience.
So you like to eat and watch TV together. Sounds like a blast!
Having separate interests and lives are cool to an extent, but it sounds like you're trying to distance yourself the faaaaarthest you can and still be able to call yourselves "together".
Or maybe I'm wrong.
Hi!
magritte! i haven't seen a decent pic on mancouch in awhile.
my roommate is a guy and formally one of my best friends. He pretty much lives over his gf's apartment now and I never see him. He and his gf are a lot like that "lost in their relationship". At first my friends and I tried to point this out to them (mainly him), but it's obvious that it's a lost cause so we all gave up. It sucks to know that he can't be friends with us AND date her, but I guess those are choices he has to make, eh?
As for me, I'm different. I believe in spending time with your S.O., but not every waking moment. You should make special time with them though, because obviously they are important to you or you wouldn't be dating them. There are going to be times when you need your spcae in order to make your relationship stronger. I see relationship's like my roommate's and it really saddens me because I know if something goes wrong and they fight or break up, he has no one to tell because he isolated himself.
If I did EVERYTHING with my SO, I'd have to kill him. We all need to have our own things going on, ya know?
yes i agree. i can't do EVERYTHING with him. i'd get sick of him waaay faster.
i hate it when couples do that whole getting lost in each other thing, they should remember that they have friends that were there before it started and that will be there if it ends. I wouldn't spend every moment with a gf not because i think i would ever get tired of her, but because its just unhealthy to get that caught up in someone else. You start to forget that they are people and people can let you down.
I agree with what you wrote. Just because you're in a relationship and are "in love" or whatnot, you shouldn't lose your individuality. That is so important otherwise you'll soon feel really lost about who you are.
My boyfriend and I are completely in love with one another. But we still do our own thing but still have time for one another. It's great because I don't need to change for him just b/c we're together, same goes with him.
Just organize your priorities. Just because you have a gf, don't let that overwhelm the other aspects of your life.
yes, because it would be so boring if we did everything together. when i was with my last bf, we used to have a night on the weekend that we spent together and then the next night, we'll go our separate ways to boys night or girls night with our friends. sometimes we would run into each other when we went out, but would keep our distances so we could still with be our friends. it's nice to spend time with your SO but sometimes a little distance makes the heart grow fonder so when it's time for you and your SO to be together, it's even better.
Doing everything with you SO is a bad idea. You do need things you do on your own. But in the case of me and my SO we have no money so we do all of our things together, but we still hang out with friends.
It's unhealthy to lose everything to your SO.
@jazziegal97@xanga - Sounds like my roommate...if they want to pay hundreds of dollars each month for a storage space and go live with their SO's, I guess that's their issue, lol.
No way, I couldn't spend ALL my time with my SO, if I had one. I want to keep my individuality. If it's a hobby or activity that I see my SO doing for the first time, I'll stand by and watch or even participate if it's that interesting. But I'm not going to buy a whole bunch of books and study up on it, or ACT like I'm interested just because my SO does it. There's nothing wrong with a couple having separate interests. Sometimes my dad watches HGTV with my mom, and sometimes my mom watches Star Trek with my dad. They both love Law & Order though :) I think there's a certain beauty in having two individuals that love each other and manage to keep their personal identities.
Ugh, this sounded like a Datingish answer. Here's a mancouch answer:
It's cool if you don't super-glue yourself to your SO's hip.
We both have our sets of friends that we can either hang out with together or seperately. Even if we're together for the weekend we aren't always in the same room at the same time. He may be fixing a computer while I'm outside reading a book. Some time apart is a good thing.
Yes, I kind of do at the start, sort of keep the relationship and the rest of my life apart.. but gradually we meet each others friends, hang out all together, and just share more and more stuff. For the record, it was actually him who asked to meet my friends..
But lately I feel like, yes, I've been losing a bit of my own identity, to the point where I keep losing my concentration on whatever I'm doing to wonder what he's doing and stuff.
I'm working to get back to where I was i.e. not so addicted to him
wish me luck haha