Monday, 01 June 2009
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How long do you wait to call or text someone? What if you get their voicemail?
Here's the setup: Boy meets girl. Boy gets girl's number. Now what?
I'm not making this post as a way of bragging, but I pull a lot of numbers. It's not like I'm one of those guys who just meets a chick and asks her. I actually take the time to have some real conversation and if she's a fun person I'll ask for the digits. This begs the serious questions.
When do you call? I know there is all of this stigma about when the appropriate time is. "Wait two days," or "Call her the next day." Come on guys. Those two ideas are completely contradicting. We don't have any kind of system down by now that lets us know what is the right way to go about it?
Do you call or text? This one I've also had trouble figuring out because if people don't know you very well they're usually more comfortable just texting. The problem is that if you just text someone it usually doesn't turn into any real conversation and it ends randomly. I usually try to stick to calling, plus I've got a hunch that if a woman gives you her number it shows more initiative and confidence to just call her. The downside to this is if they are the type that screens their calls very closely. You have to prep a message. WTF do you say to an answering machine? "You remember you met me at ___ and we had fun... I thought we had fun. It was fun. And... I was just seeing what you're up to so give me a call back... If you want. I don't care, it would be cool to hear from you though... uh... bye?"(End awkward quote!)
The main issue is this: I pull a lot of numbers and I have such a horrible turn over rate. possible someone could shed some light on the best method. It's hard enough searching through all of the women to find one interested in meeting you. Then finding one who is fun, meets your basic requirements, and is actually into you as well. Then on top of this finding one who gives out the digits not out of pity or sympathy. (Women, if you don't want to then don't. I see it all of the time. Not for myself mind you because I tend to play this one safe and ask girls only if I have some kind of connection with them.) But to meet a good average up to this point and still lose out really hurts my probability. What are your suggestions?
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- From: Mr_Gnome@xanga
- Name: Jerrome
- Location: Denver, Colorado, United States
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Comments (26)
Personally, I like texting better because it's worry-free and you can see what you say before you send it. If a guy gets my number, I'd rather him text me a few hours later and then if we seem to hit it off and the conversation keeps flowing, maybe before going to sleep I'll tell him specifically to call me tomorrow night or something. I guess it just depends on the girl. Some girls like talking on the phone with whoever, other girls (like myself) would rather leave the talking for someone they really feel a connection with. You might be safer texting. Go with your gut.
But I suggest when you get the number, to form your words carefully. Say "so..can I call you later?" And if she says yes, then do so. If she'd rather a text, then more likely then not, she'll just tell you to send her a text or something.
I can't speak for every woman, but that's what I do :)
the time it takes for me to text/call a girl depends on what kind of girl i'm dealing with and what my schedule is like. i typically text a girl during my break at work. i text things like "hey, this is ___ from saturday night. i'm at work and i'm on my lunch break. just thought i'd say hi and see what you were up to."
if i want to hang out with the girl, i'd call her two or three days later. i'd call and just ask her if she wants to hang out. i'd ask her if she'd like to grab a few drinks or watch a movie. nothing too out of the ordinary.
@kassieisradxO@xanga - i agree with what you're saying. if i get a girl's number, i usually ask if she'd rather have me call or text her.
Is that Bush holding the phone upside down? God, I miss that man.
Sometimes when you text, you can get the wrong point across.
neither. facebook it. HAH. siiiiiiike.
A lot of women, or at least my friends, give out their numbers because they don't want to come off as arrogant or mean. I never had this problem prior to dating my bf as I never gave out my number. If you feel the connection and sense the same from her, you should call the next day or so...don't wait too long or else someone else might swoop in and steal her away. Good luck!
I usually wait until the day after next,that way it's not completely 2 full days nor less than 1. Interested, but not desperate is what I like to come off as. As far as texting versus calling, I opt to phone directly remembering to keep it simple and short. A quick offer to get together somewhere public to 'hang out' if she wants. If she says 'sure', it's usually a good sign, while a hesitant and ambiguous response screams 'MOVE ON!'
I would say you text a few hours later, maybe the next day.
see how things get rolling like that,
although sometimes talking on the phone is more interesting.
depends on the girl.
I prefer a quick conversation on the phone.
if i havent heard from the guy in 2 days, i cross him out of the list... i had this guy facebooked me the next day, i find it a turn-off
i don't have a time frame of how long to wait to call or text. if i got a guys number then i'll usually rate the whole time we've spent together and see if there is potential for a relationship or if i could see myself with this person and if i do then i'll text him the next day that i had a wonderful time and to meet up again if he would like too. and if he texts me back that he had a good time too then it goes from there. but if i got weird vibes from him, then i would respond that right now is just not a good time. if a guy calls or texts me after we meet, i take it as a compliment and if i was interested, i'll respond. i can't stand people playing the waiting game on people and not liking someone if they called or texted you immediately after a meeting.
Texting typically works. maybe the next day.
@xX_j3ff_Xx@xanga - haha!! now that's another way(:
erm.. just don't wait too long.. the girl might think you're not really interested.
Texting is the new calling. It's a lot easier on both parties. And there is no timeframe since it was a bunch of crap started by the movie Swinger, even though the whole point of the movie was to show how silly arbitrary timeframes are. Text her the same night if you want. If she digs you, she'll be happy to get it. If she doesn't dig you, then she's not going to change her mind 3 days later.
FACEBOOK WORKS. LOL.
Seen this girl around work quite a few times. She approached me! Got caught up with clients so I only got her first name. Unique first name, so it was easy to find her. Added her the same day but like at night. Put in a witty message. She replied. Asked what apartment I live in because she's seen me around the complex. Asked me to hang out.
FB. It works. lolool but it's funny cuz that's the first time this has happened.
@photse@xanga - amen to that
This is a classic problem. I live in the UK, so I don't know how much of this advice translates to the US, cos I think round here we're generally considered a bit more conservative in how we get on with each other, which has its good and bad points. In terms of how long to wait, like most people here I don't think you should set some arbitrary time frame, its different for different people. You have the advantage of actually talking to the girl before you take her number, so gauge what she's like, if she comes across a bit wary, give her a bit of time. If she's rocket keen, call her whenever you feel like, and everything in between the two.
As for whether to call or text, I generally text first, its friendly and pressure-free for her, so everyones a bit more at ease. I'll generally ask her if she fancies meeting up at some point by text, but then do the actual arrangements by calling. If you're going to take a lady for a drink you've got to speak to her first.
Please note, I do alright with women, but am no casanova, this advice could be bollicks.
i would choose to text because on the phone you need a direct response and may not think enough before you say something. i would wait alteast a day before i msg or call her because i wouldnt want to seem desperate or anything. it depends on the girl, if shes fun and really interesting, i probably wouldnt wait 2 days to talk to her again
There are still cases today in which some people don't have texting. Make sure you KNOW this before you try texting, because if you later contact the girl saying that you texted her, there's a possibility that she didn't get it because maybe texting is actually blocked on her phone. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I don't have texting, and people have asked me on a few occassions if I received their texts. Then I have to go through the whole story about how I don't get texts, that way they don't feel as though I forgot or just ignored them.
Good luck!
@tastytimmm@xanga - that's the first time that's happened and probably the only time since.
@mistersoulja@xanga - I usually call whenever I have some freetime, but I'm starting to notice texting is more acceptable than I used to think.
@MysteryMaden88@xanga - I didn't even consider that as a possibility. good call. I've found when I get a girl's number I usually send them a text at the same point in time so they'll know it's me when I do contact them.
@Mr_Gnome@xanga - yeah
thats pretty spot on. that way if we dont call each other its obvious
we were both being retards and playing the waiting game "boop boop beep
beep boop bop boop beep "ok cool, now you have mine too" is like...
textbook win :)
But ultimately it depends on the person and the circumstance in which we exchanged numbers. I have no qualms with calling the next night if its a weekend, if only to try and set up a date for the following weekend.
but if ol girl is CLEARLY playing "that game" with me then ill wait two/three weeks, claim i was super busy and let the fun of trying to get back into her good graces begin :D
@erahslover@xanga - indeed. if it's not a challenge it loses it's fun doesn't it?
If you are interested, call the next day it is flatering. If someone is not intersted, it will not matter how long you wait. I went out with the hottest male model I have ever met and I would have...*@! him for days; but he waited too long to call and then acted too cool, so I moved on.
@farz3450 - Nothing wrong with the way you guys do this in the UK this is how dating or friendship use to be in the US when I met my husband, 36 yrs. ago.
Now, its totally different here in the US way to complicated. Im a widow and to start out now its like its not even worth it. Heck I didnt even know what FWB meant.
So, Id say stick with what your doing in the UK alot better than here in the US.
Everyone on here is seems to be saying that texting is the new calling? that's complete bull. I fucking hate texting. I mean i don't mind it if i'm chatting with friends or something, but for dating purposes it's INCREDIBLY impersonal....which is the opposite of what dating is about. Calling someone lets you hear there voice which is double the conncetion already. It's easier to pick up on emotions and clues because you can acutally hear them. (Ever thought someone was mad at you over text but they weren't? it just seemed like it? Now think has that ever happended on the phone?)
Don't text her. And don't wait too long. Most guys seem to think "i'll just call her when i get the time." while in the meantime her stomach is turning. You'll get brownie points if you call sooner rather than later.
@yomamma - I've actually had a lot of people completely misread me on the phone. I just have one of those voices that sounds expressionless and some women take it as me being disinterested or worse. I prefer a quick text the next day and if she responds well, follow up with a phone call at some point to make plans. NEVER make plans over text, it's far too tedious and impersonal.