Saturday, 23 May 2009

• Top 4 Reasons I Will Not Care For The New Terminator Movie

   
  

  
  So, the new Terminator movie is out. That's a big deal. Lot's of excitement and all that. Long running, beloved series. Classic sci-fi series previously helmed by a revered director.
  
  I haven't seen it yet (BUT I'M GOING TO <- read this before you comment), but I'm pretty sure there are a few things I'm not going to like about. Here they are:
  
  4) Please Don't Hurt Me, John Connor
  
  Now, everyone knows full well that Christian Bale is the biggest badass on badass street. I mean, the dude is Batman. He is the god damn Batman! (<-nerd joke alert). I take the firm position on this blog here today and forever of a deep abiding mancrush on all things Christian Bale. That said, there's this:
  
  
  
  Yikes. John Connor is scary.
  
  3) McG?
  
  Really? A dude called McG is taking over a franchise once helmed by James Cameron? We're doing this now? Maybe I should just give him a .... his name is McG? Really? That's what he's going by? Then again, names don't really decide if you're a talented ..... who calls themselves McG? Who is willing to look themselves in the mirror in the morning and call themselves McG?
  
  Fine, Fine, maybe I should give him a shot. I shouldn't judge him until I take a look at his credits. Ok, let's wander on over to imdb and take a little lookey ... shit ... he's the dude responsible for those god awful Charlie's Angels movies and that abortion of a show called Fastlane. And this man is wielding what was once an innovative James Cameron franchise? Excuse me, my brain seems to be bleeding internally at the moment. Some one care to call an ambulance?
  

  2) Terminator 3
  
  Ok, I'm back. Not exactly what one would call lucid, but my fingers are functioning well enough to type again so let's get on with it.
  
  You see, what made Terminator such a successful and beloved franchise were that the first two instalments were original and innovative. They became sci-fi classics.
  
  Not so much with the third one. #3 is where this franchise sputtered and died. John Connor was a wuss, at no point did I have any idea what was going on, Sarah Connor was dead and largely treated merely as a plot point, John Connor was a wuss, the terminator sent back in time wasn't really any different than the previous one except it was a sexy lady bot, nothing was new or different or original or creative, and John Connor was a wuss.
  
  Terminator 3 was dumb and unnecessary. So why do we need a Terminator 4 again? Is it really necessary? Can't we just go back to pretend T3 never happened and be happy with the 2 classic films we got?
  

  1) PG-13
  
  F You! This is a rated R series! Why take all the bite out? PG-13inizing an R movie is just making it shitty. And you know what they had to cut out to get that rating? Boobs. That's right, they need to cut boobage. Why would you do that? If the answer is more money at PG-13 I would argue that the boobful make more money than the boobless. Also, these were important boobs! McG (ugh, i just threw up in my mouth) even said they are supposed to remind us of humanity, of what we're fighting for. See? Not just boobs, you made them remove humanity's boobs. For shame, Warner Brothers!
  
  Are you a fan of the Terminator series?  Will you going to see Salvation?

  
  

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