Tuesday, 19 May 2009

• 5 Summer Toys I Wish Existed When I Was Little

  Why did all the cool stuff for kids get invented after I got too big to use them?  Sure we had the Slip n' Slide but I made one of those just this past semester with trash bags and Busch Light.  Where were all these $400 summer toys when I was growing up?  I can just imagine the size of the tantrum I'd muster up in Toys Я Us to force my parents to buy this stuff for me.  It would've been epic.
  
  

  5. Banzai Sidewinder Falls
  
  

  I can't decide which aspect of this picture is the most obviously Photoshopped, but those kids sure look like they're having a blast anyway.  This particular family must be especially tiny because the real water slide looks like this.  Either way, I would've loved to charge my friends to use it.  Those Pokemon cards weren't paying for themselves.
  

  
  
  

  4. Excalibur Motorized Bumper Boat
  
  

  If you were to make a list of cool things that became way cooler once you combined them, motorized bumper boats would be a close third behind ninja-bears and Brangelina.  Imagine all the respect you'd get being the toughest guy on water in the neighborhood.  Also the cops are so much more lenient when you decapitate your friends with a propeller if you're under 14.  You would've been out of juvie and back on the water in no time.
  

  
  
  

  3. Super Soaker Max Infusion Back Pack
  
  

  Question: What to all Super Soakers have in common?  Answer: They don't hold enough water to completely fill the lungs of a human being.  This poses a significant problem when you're trying your best to drown your little brother.  It took them a while to do it, but they finally figured out how to reverse catheter bag technology and thus the Max Infusion Back Pack was born.  Finally kids don't have to go running for the hose - preventing their victim from coughing all that water back up and ruining their hard work.
  

  
  
  

  2. Huffy Green Machine
   
  

  So apparently this thing was around when I was a kid, I just really wish I knew about it because it looks like a Big Wheel on acid.  It probably would've had a similar effect on girls my age to what a Mustang has now, so having one of these babies would have meant having at least four girlfriends.  At least.  Think about how much hand holding that is.
  
  
  

  1. Nerf N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25 Blaster
  
  

  One of my friends actually owns one of these and they're ridiculous amounts of fun.  It's almost like it wasn't intended for kids though because the 6D batteries it takes make it weigh like 40 pounds.  Also you can apparently hack it to make it shoot 500 rounds per minute.  It still would have been amazing to strap that thing to the front of my Green Machine and take out some wild animals.  Also it's a shame this didn't come out when I was younger because I most definitely would've looked like Titan by now.
  
  
  Have anything awesome you'd like to add to the list?  What was your coolest toy growing up?
  

  
  

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