Sunday, 17 May 2009
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The Ultimate Definition Of A Real Man
There have been several past attempts posted on Mancouch to describe what actions only a real man can carry out. Not surprisingly, none of them were accurate. There is in fact a surefire test of manhood, namely, fatherhood.
Only a real man can be a good father.
Impregnating a woman, and thus becoming a father, proves that a man is not lacking in his male areas. It also demonstrates beyond any doubt that he can in fact get a woman, and is certainly heterosexual.
But simply becoming a father does not make you a good father, he must also be part of raising his children. He must be there for his children and their mother. He must provide for his family. He must be a good example to his children. This is probably one of the most important things a man can do. Simply by loving his wife, and being kind to her, he can teach his children how a man ought to treat his family. By providing for them he can show them that a man ought to be responsible.
A father who is not a real man will certainly fail in this area. No real man would ever leave his wife, and certainly he would not leave his own children. If he is cruel to his wife, or children, they will learn to fear men. If he does not provide for her and them they will think that men do not contribute, but merely stick around for the free ride. Often times his son will not respect women, and his daughters will probably grow up to be feminist man-haters. This will not how it always happens, but it seems to be the norm based on my own experiences and observations.
A real man must also spend time with his children, teach them skills, and show interest in their activities. He must discipline them when they misbehave, but not abuse them. And he must protect them, and his wife, from any danger that comes their way. If a man runs from danger leaving his children unprotected, he is clearly not a real man. In fact even most boys will stand up for their families in the face of danger. Even rodents protect their nest from predators.
Do you think fatherhood is the ultimate test of a real men? Was your father a real man?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 2392 Comments: 0 82 View all posts by John_of_the_bloomdocks@xanga
Comments (83)
I won't say that one has to be a good father to be a real man - but I will say that being a bad father or an absent father disqualifies you. (Basically, I'm willing to extend 'real man' to good decent manly men who haven't sired children)
WTF...the ManCouch has really gotten mature recently. Props!
@Romans_837@xanga - Well I know real men who are single, but there isn't a single sure fire test for a real man other than fatherhood, imho.
What Romans said.
imma gud parent but i dare say meny heer wudnt defyne me azza reel man i dont evin thaynk youve gotta be a parent to be a reel man i thaynk justin bond izza reel man
actually i agree wih you, nice post :)
I think someone can be a real man without being married, but it is definetly one of, if not THE most difficult test of that manhood.
I believe my father is a man. Even though he is disabled and can no longer work to provide for his family, he has loved them regardless of anything that tried to harm that love, he has sacrificed his own mind worrying about their safety, and present to me a great moral standard.
I don't understand how being sterile or being homosexual disqualifies you from being a "real man." I don't like how the first two paragraphs of your post insinuated that only men who are fertile, straight, and choose to have children are "real men."
Frankly, I think that's ridiculous. There are plenty of "real men" who don't have children, whether it's their own decision or not. I have no idea why you added the heterosexual part at the end at all.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - Agreed.
Also - you said that girls who grow up with a bad or absent father are likely to be "man-hating feminists." Actually, those girls are statistically more likely to get pregnant in their teens and have more stereotypical views on gender roles.
Fatherhood doesn't define a real man. A man doesn't need to have children, it's more based on character.
not bad, but the digs at sterility/homosexuality/feminism were really unnecessary.
@LupusInvictus@xanga - 53 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. As I said that was based upon my own experiences.
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - Homosexuality disqualifies people from the "real man" category because real men are attracted to real women. To consider a man who is so confused that he is sexually attracted to other men a "real man" would be at best laughable.
Oh, and I didn't mean to "dig" at sterility. A common way to tell someone you don't think they are a real man is to say, "You have no balls." My point was that if a man is a father, he obviously does.
Another thing that happens to girls that grow up with a shitty dad, is that they think it's okay to be mistreated, because her father mistreated her mother.
My current relationship (it's in the process of ending after over 5 years) proves this point.
My boyfriend/ex-boyfriend's father mistreated his mother. My father mistreated my mother. So now he mistreats me, and he thinks it's okay because that's how he always saw his mother treated, and I put up with it, because my mother did.
Our mothers thought it would be the other way around. They thought that since my boyfriend had seen how it hurt his mother to be treated that way, he would never do it. And they thought that since I saw how it hurt my mother, I wouldn't stand for any kind of mistreatment. Boy, were they wrong.
Just because a man gets a woman pregnant doesn't mean he's heterosexual.
I couldn't agree more.. You're completely right. :)
@xjadersx@xanga - LOL
The Title is misleading. The title is The Ultimate Definition Of A Real Man yet the text is about fatherhood. This would lead a reader to think that only a father can be a real man. What about men who are impotent? Or what about men who are homosexual, or what about men who do not desire to have children?
"There is in fact a surefire test of manhood, namely, fatherhood."
What about those who do not wish to or cannot participate in fatherhood. What about the man who has a criminal past and yet admonishes his children from crime and instead pushes toward an education, an education he never had? A man who commits Machiavellian acts so that his children do not have to do the same? By your standards he is not a real man and yet raises his children in the standard.
I like your post, and respect the concept yet I believe that fatherhood is not the ultimate test of a man. I believe this because there are too many differences and circumstances to be taken into account in life. A man with mental disabilities who can have children and yet cannot understand the concept of a real man. Is he denied being a Real Man because of events out of his control. Or what about a man with a son with a sociopaths tendencies. He cannot change his son's inner workings to the concept of a real man and thereby fails by disqualification.
Furthermore the concept of a Real Man is different in the United States as it is in Columbia or in Italy or in Iraq.
This was an interesting post, but I completely disagree with your ideas about homosexuality and sterility disqualifying one from being a "real man." My father is a man who decided not to have anymore children after having three, so he had a vasectomy. Does that make him not a "real" man? You made your views about gay men clear in your response to another comment, so I won't even ask about that. Also, just so you know, feminist does not equal "man-hater." That's a silly stereotype.Â
Being a loyal husband and a good father is an important part of being a man.
that's easy. y chromosome + a penis + testes + testosterone.... just kidding. nice post.
The ability to be a good father/husband is, of course, exceptionally important. However, this post is more about being a good human being than being a "real man". Calling it this, and then demeaning homosexuality, is only reemphasizing gender roles and gender divisions. "Real men" (and real women and real intersexed persons) shouldn't be bigoted.
i think fatherhood is the ultimate test for a man. i have seen my cousins who are married and they just messed around, had no responsibilities or cares in the world get a reality check when they become fathers. they totally changed for this little person who they barely know. i like watching a boy turned into a man when a child is involved.
@whitnijae@xanga - "My father is a man who decided not to have
anymore children after having three, so he had a vasectomy. Does that
make him not a "real" man?"
Yes. That makes him a pansy who had his male organs mutilated. Real men don't do that.
To everyone asking, "what about other men, who do not have children?" I simply stated that fatherhood is the best test of manhood. A good father has proven himself a real man, a lousy father has proven himself to be a not much of a man. There is no such simple test for men who choose not to have children, unless they have a vasectomy, in which case they aren't men, but are eunuchs.
@jupiter312@xanga - "The ability to be a good father/husband is,
of course, exceptionally important. However, this post is more about
being a good human being than being a "real man"."
Show me one case of a "good human" who was not a man and yet managed to be a good father.
"Calling it this... is only reemphasizing gender roles and gender divisions."
There are real differences between the sexes. There are roles that each sex naturally plays. Even animals exemplify this. With wolves, for instance, the female will guard the den and cubs while the male wolf provides them with food. The female will begin to hunt also, once the cubs are old enough to go out on their own, but when they are young it is the job of the male to provide for them, and the role of the mother to nurture them.
@John_of_the_bloomdocks@xanga - "Father" is merely a name applied to a male parent. Of course there are differences between the sexes, but there are no specific ROLES that either must play. I am female, but nowhere near "nurturing".
Also, a man who has had a vasectomy is NOT a eunuch. Eunuchs are castrated at a young enough age that their hormones are effected. A man who has had a vasectomy has merely had his vas deferens tied or cut.