Friday, 15 May 2009

• Guide To An Exciting Starbucks Adventure

  
  
  

  
  If you don't drink coffee you know - you're out somewhere with your friends when they say "Hey I need to stop here for a sec and get my double-tall-triple-shot-choco-darko-latte-espresso".  Then you're stuck waiting around at Starbucks trying to pass the time.  The next time you find yourself in this situation, I recommend trying out a few of these techniques.
  
  

  The Laptop Lurker
  
  

  
  

  
  

  This is a two-part method.  The first part consists of finding someone on their laptop and standing behind them in silence and watching what they're doing.  Preferably, you would let them see you walk over so they know you're behind them.  Bonus points if their laptop is facing away from areas where people normally walk.  If you want to pull this off with maximum discomfort for both parties, you're going to have to put in the effort. 
  
  What happens next determines whether you decide to take the next step or not.  Once they notice you behind them, they'll either do nothing and hope you eventually go away or turn around and say something along the lines of "can I help you?" at which point you can either take the easy way out and pretend you weren't staring at their screen, or make things more interesting.  Personally, I like to take things to the next level by asking if I can check my email when they're done.  Often they'll be so caught off guard by the question that they'll actually let you do it. Just be sure to thank them afterward.
  
  

  The Barista Baffle
  
  
  

  
  This method requires a bit more interaction than the previous, but it's just as fun.  While your friends are waiting in line, stand over by the counter where they hand out the drinks after they make them.  Most Starbucks are arranged similarly, so this spot should be easy to find once you know what to look for.  (Hint: Look for where people go after they order)  For every drink that the baristas place on the counter for customers to pick up, point at it and ask "What's that?" as if you were waiting for your coffee.  Chances are they'll be shouting what it is anyway, but just pretend you didn't hear them.  The first few times you do this, they'll most likely repeat what they just shouted, to which you can respond with something along the lines of "Oh".
  
  Things become a lot more interesting when you've stood there for a while and the baristas start wondering what you're waiting for.  When they finally get fed up with your constant questioning they'll ask you what you ordered.  You can then either make something up (and sometimes getting something free out of it) or admit you didn't actually order anything.  Feel free to make things more interesting by coming up with a creative excuse for standing there.  Some of my favorites are "I'm doing a poll" or "I'm learning how to identify the different drinks by color" or "I'm starting my own coffee shop and I didn't want to come up with my own names so I'm just stealing yours".
  
  

  The Chalkboard Change-up
  
  

  
  

  
  

  This requires a bit of preparation, but is probably the most fun you can have screwing with Starbucks if you don't drink coffee.  Bring a piece of chalk with you when you hang with your coffee-addicted friends, that way you can pull this off when you get dragged to the cafe (though if you're lucky they'll just keep chalk by the board).  While your friends are in line, start getting creative with the chalkboard.  You can erase the whole thing and write whatever you want, or you can change up the drink names a little bit and make things more interesting.
  
  The image above is a pretty good example of what I'm talking about, but some other of my favorites include "Order in Italian and your purchase is half-off!" or "Tell our servers about the dream you had last night for a free scone!" - pretty much just anything that will annoy the crap out of anyone working behind the counter.  It's a good idea to have something along those lines because most people will do pretty much anything for free food.  Especially if it's written in chalk.
  
  That's about all I've tried to do, but I'm sure there's plenty more interesting ways to pass the time in Starbucks.  Anyone else have any fun ideas?
  
  

  
  

  • 10:08 AM
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