Monday, 11 May 2009
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Should Men Fight Back Against Violent Women?
My son recently got into a conflict with a girl.
She had been harassing him and calling him names (queer, f*g, g*y) for a couple of weeks. He wanted to handle it himself and us not get involved. Being that it was a girl and she 2 years younger than him, I think he was embarrassed about the whole thing.
His way of handling was by not handling it all but ignoring her or calling her names back.
She decided to take it one step farther though and one day grabbed hold of one of his fingers and bent it backwards.He told her a couple of times to let him go. She only pushed it back some more. That was when he grabbed her throat. She let him go and laughed it off saying, "like that hurt?"
He felt bad about what he had done and apologized the following day. Didn't matter to her, her father was going to see to it that he never laid another finger on her.
Now here we are, could my son have handled this in a million different ways? Punishment is expected. However, she isn't receiving the same treatments as him. Instead she's playing the victim.
My question to you is, Do you feel that a guy is supposed to do nothing when being attacked by a girl? Or does a guy have the right to defend himself regardless of gender?
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About the Author
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- From: Katliin@xanga
- About Me: Been married for 17 years. Am the mother of a 16year old son and 14 year old daughter. I'm a stay at home housewife/mom. We have 4 cats and an aquarium turtle (all inside). A lab/shephed mix dog outside that turned 5, June 12th along with a black and white border collie that took up 4 years ago. My son has ADHD, Anxiety, and asthma. Daughter high cholesterol. Life is never dull around our house.
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Comments (115)
Oh damn, I thought that there was going to be a video :)
But on a more serious note - I absolutely think that he has the right to defend himself. You have the right to defend yourself from anyone attempting to harm you in anyway. Period.
If I were you, I would start keeping a log of incidents. You may need it if the daddy decides to get the authorities involved.
Hmm...that happened to me quite a few times back in the day. I was rather smooth with the ladies...
It was never that big a deal though, none of this parents stuff.
i agree with the first commenter, start keeping record of what she's been doing. i don't condone guys hitting girls, but some girls really do take it too far expecting that they can do abuse guys coz they think they are invincible.
i think he should have grabbed her finger and bent it back to show her how it felt. (eye for an eye)
i hope it all works out in your son's favor
Ideally, no one, male or female, should fight back, other than in defense. However... in this situation, the girl is wrong. She continually provoked him, clearly trying to get a response like that. I know guys want to handle stuff like that on their own, but if it's a situation like this where she is clearly going to try to turn it around and play the victim, get authorities involved immediately before the girl gets the chance to. Once she calls, the guy is the one immediately shut down, in most cases.
I think he's got the right to defend himself.
Man, I hope he doesn't get into too much trouble. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
Sounds difficult since automatically the girl has an advantage because she'd be seen as the victim instead of your son. I wouldn't blame your son for being so agitated when he's told her to stop multiple times.
I don't know but if I were in a situation where I feel harassed or exploited in some kind of way, I would fight back regardless of gender. Of course, this leads to the fact that there are many different ways to "fight back".
fighting back against a woman is tricky. society frowns upon that kind of stuff even if the man is technically not at fault.
i would avoid fighting against a woman. if a woman started hitting me or something, the most i'd do is try to restrain her.
@NoHeroesForTomorrow@xanga - i agree.
touchy subject and the big picture is more important.
your son is getting a great upbringing with great values. he had wanted to deal with it himself, but got pushed into a corner, and reacted in a wrong way. however, he immediately felt remorse and has probably learned a lot from this experience.
the girl however seems to be lacking supervision at home, and the more she gets away with little things like this as a kid, the harder a time she will have when she's an adult and things matter.
yeah a guy should defend himself! i'm not saying that he should knock the girl out, but using enough force to stop the attack and not feel threatened is ok. in this case i don't think that grabbing the girls throat was necessary (although i wasn't there so maybe it was) but it got her to stop, and when she did he stopped too. his reaction stopped the ''attack'' and he was well within his right to do so. from now on though he needs to avoid her and ignore her, eventually she'll get tired of not getting any attention and move on.
He should defend himself but avoid hurting her any more than necessary to get her to desist. Then he should get a restraining order against her not simply for his own protection but to emphasize that she is being the aggressive one, not him.
I won't lie. I punched a girl in the face once in self defense...
I was also about eight and she had picked on me for a couple months.
I think if a girl is genuinely out to hurt the guy, he should let her have it. Nothing I hate more then a girl acting tough, slapping/jeering at a guy, then when he hits her she flips out. "OMG WHYYYY!"
I see that a lot in NJ...
man posses 30 percent more muscle inherently then women... i can break bricks, cinder blocks and largest chunk of wood was 3"x 12"x 14" lol took three shots but i got it lol.. im careful even when fighting men.... so no..one can always run if you have no other alternative to fighting a woman... there are far more way to handle that. hate to say it but man has a valid complaint. try calmly talking with him and see if the four of you cant get together over a dinner at a very nice resterant to talk things out. best i can come up with but if son faces simular in future jus have him tell her he loves her too..lol that shuts em up...
I think he should defend himself, but I think he should respect the girl/woman even if she doesn't deserve it at all. If he does that, he'll be blameless when the girl is dealt with by her parents or other authorities.
She messed around with a man like he was nothing, and she gets the horns as she gets older. Now she knows how it feels to be the victim.
In order for a man to never hit a woman, it helps for a woman not to egg on a man, like she did. Because apparently men have shorter tolerance for being cloend or being ridiculed, and she did nothing more than test his patience. Now, she is proof that "living well IS the best revenge".
Depends on the age of the two? Sounds like teenagers.
I agree with the above, that girl needs to learn some manners. Your boy probably had a lot of anger at that girl and finally burst. Things seem to be serious now and parental intervention is definitely needed.
I think parents need to spank their children while they're young lol
I'd like to say: Â if she punches him he should punch her back. Â Unfortunately, I don't really believe that b/c I don't really believe in violence unless absolutely necessary and unfortunately, neither do the courts. Â Unfortunately, despite the harrassment, this case did not necessitate violence on his part.
That aside, I also don't believe in allowing oneself to be victimized. Â What your son should have done rather than allowing the situation to escalate and then resorting to violence is to have reported the harrasment to the proper authorities and gotten a restraining order filed against the girl.
Unfortunately, "should have"Â is irrelevant at this point. Â He will most likely have to pay a price for his poor judgement in using violence. Â It's too bad she won't have to pay for her poor behaviour as well (because she should pay for it).
I suggest you try to scrounge up some unrelated and unbiased spectators who can testify to her harrassment. Â It will not absolve him of his violent actions but it may lower the punishment and or judgement.
step one is to let the teacher know what's going on. Â then you have something to fall back on. Â he/she might not do anything to stop it, but at least when it comes to the parents' part, you can say a third party is aware and it's not like your son just acted out. Â second, this girl is either a manipulative little tart, or she's being abused at home and is acting it out in school. Â either way it's probably something you should make the school aware of. Â third, when all else fails, make a big enough stink that somebody will do something to mediate things.
this is a tough situation. if you, as a male, go to someone to say a female is picking on you, that is an emasculation that can be tough to take. for the girl, if you dish it, you'd better be able to take it. in general, men are physically much stronger than women, so the level of retaliation needs to be commensurate with the initial threat.
otherwise, this is classic girl to me. it's a shame that your son's reaction to pent-up frustration got him into trouble. but, again, many times in my own life i have seen, or been involved, when girls twist facts to make themselves appear as victims. men can be manipulative too, but when you are physically weaker, often you reach for the more powerful psychological weapons at your disposal.
I say get that girl some psychiatric help. Or some sex. Or both. She's obviously a bitch and your son did nothing wrong. Maybe saying "like that hurt" was a bit inappropriate, but he probably thought of it as payback.
Also, I hate misandry. Reverse Sexism is retarded.
@happy_mia@xanga - agreed. keeping a log is a good idea.
also, your child has no reason to lie about that kind of thing unless he was trying to cover it up so the other guys don't know he's getting picked on by a girl. he was being mature by just ignoring it, but she went over the line when she got physical....he should have gone to a teacher or parent immediately. (although personally i can't blame him for defending himself)
the double standards will definitely work against you in this case, even though the girl is the bully. :\
good luck
i say he has the right to knock that bitch out. what is with this fragile image of women? we are so quick to paint them as the victim and us as the bad guy it's ridiculous. guess what? equal rights means equal rights. if you want to be paid like a man, treated with the same respect as a man, then you better take a punch like man if you decide to pick a fight. and for all guys saying that they wont hit a girl in order to defend themselves, you guys have to be the biggest idiots ever.
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*scary ass lady comes up to you with a knife and an evil look in her eye
dumbass: i don't believe in hitting women....
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RIP moron.
Your kid needs to grow some balls, and drop kick that bitch.
How old are they? you mentioned she was two years younger, but are they in highschool or elementary, or...?
@fLiPgUy31O@xanga - I think you are dead on. It is nearly impossible for a young man who is two years older and I presume probably larger as well to ever justify choking a girl. She is always going to come across as the victim even if she broke his finger and admitted to it. Restraining her and complaining to her parents or school officials about her verbal abuse over and over until they get sick of hearing about it is sadly the only real options for a young man in todays American society. And even restraining her is sometimes taken the wrong way. A man should theoretically have a right to defend himself when attacked but when the police show up and some little female with a handprint on her throat is standing there next to a man I can guarantee you the man is getting cuffed.
 It's a tough call because let's face it, men are stronger than woman, so if they hit one society will shun them. It's unfortunate, but that's the way things are.
@echois23@xanga - I agree with you.Â