Tuesday, 05 May 2009
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Guidocalypse Now
Warning: The above video is not intended for anyone with eyes, ears, or any positive regard for life.
Awhile back, I prophesied the Guido Apocalypse of 2055, outlining in detail how humanity could prevent devolving into the single celled, overly gelled organisms of the Long Island/New Jersey regions.Obama’s stimulus package, which included increased taxes on techno music, spray tans, Kangol hats, lip gloss, Chanel earrings, protein shakes, hookers, and gold chains, only acted like a Band-Aid on a bullet wound.
Yesterday, I received that terrifying video by hacking into a secret sector of Pentagon files, codenamed YouTube.
From the same Pentagon files, I found out that on Monday, President Obama will announce the next step in Guidocalypse prevention. Armed forces will nuke New Jersey and Long Island, so if you happen to live there among the Guidos, GET THE FUCK OUT!The West Coast won't miss out on the fun either. The Bro species that infests Orange County like Tyler Perry infests television has been cause for serious alarm. Barring any superhuman resistance from The Governator, California will be given to Mexico, whether they want it or not.
When Obama spoke of change, this is exactly the kind of change we wanted. Kudos to democracy!
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About the Author
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- From: goldenj2384
- Name: justin
- About Me: I'm a writer, I'm a guitarist, I'm a boyfriend, a brother, and a son. That order changes daily. I play guitar and write lyrics for Escape the Skyline and now I'm a writer for Mancouch.
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Comments (22)
Obama is truly a man of his word
wow... this is really sad.
"so what do you like about the beach?"
"well, look at all the douche-bags <3"
indeed.
some ppl are fucking stupid...
This makes me not want to ever visit a beach in NJ or NY....and I actually liked those states. :(
Ya know, I really don't like to talk down others, but I'm from NJ, and I fucking hate guidos. They are the most obnoxious, and most disrespectful people you are likely to find down the shore.
I honestly won't go to a few beaches over here because the amount of popped collars and douchebaggery is on a staggering level
If George W can become president, then so can they.
i used to never understand why us peoplers in jersey always got the stereotype to have that accent until i watched this vid & it all clicked in my head.
-____-.
I love how the unfaithful chick at the end was calling the other one a "whore"... wow... just wow
I wonder which is worse The Bro's or these guys...
LOL... dear me
Aye yai yai...
Jesus fucking Christ.
This is why I hate people. This is also why I find social psychology fascinating. How can such people exist? I intend to find out!
lmao
Thank goodness there are still a few beaches in Jersey that aren't like this.
What's really sad is there's a growing population like those people in my little Philly suburb of a town who don't even know what a Guido/Guidette is lol.
dude, you are suppose to put that warning message ABOVE the video, i started to watch it!!!! and THAN saw the warning!. My eyes and ears are bleeding now. Thanks!
o wow. I almost through up from watching that. Last night i watched the movie Doomsday. It has scenes of graphic cannibalism - didn't affect me in the slightest. This almost made me vomit. I haven't felt this disgusted from a video since 2 girls 1 cup. Except this made me feel dirtier and lose faith in all humanity. Thanks a lot. A part of me died today, a part of me I'll never get back.
i'm scared
i like obama he makes me smile
I'm a bit disappointed...not one of them said "this is my new fuckin' haircut..."
Let the bombs fall.
These people are sub-layman.
But these people are the reason there is humor, if everyone was smart who would we make fun of?
What happened to the kind of New Jersey people only filmed by Kevin Smith? I thought they were these somewhat intelligent but misfit bunch of twenty-something-year-olds that happened to settle for less than they really are, like working in a convenience store or a cafe. The kind of people who had a fairly decent idea of how to get out of their rut but that fuckin now-ex-girlfriend slept with like thirty five dudes in total.
I would've said "filmed by Zach Braff," but this is Mancouch.