Monday, 04 May 2009

• Top 5 Reasons Zebras Are Weird

  
  

  
  This is pretty much what the title implies. It's a list of the top 5 reasons why zebras are weird. So, I guess it's exactly what the title implies. In fact, the title isn't so much implying as straight up telling you what's coming. In an event, this is why zebras are weird:
  
  5) They're Called Zebras
  
  Come on, people. I think it's long past time we all admit it's a crazy name. Look, it's okay to admit that one weekend while naming all the things on the planet humanity went out on a crazy bender and game up with Zebra, Hippopotamus, and Giraffe. It's cool. No reason to lose face. God did the same thing when he invented the platypus.
  
  But Zebra is a crazier name than most. Mostly because it starts with "z." Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with "z," it's a perfectly fine letter. Some of my best friends spell their names with a "z." That doesn't mean that starting off a word with a "z" isn't a weird thing. When asked to come up with words that start with "z," most people will inevitably say "zebra" and give up. It's the xylophone of the z-world.
  
  4) What's Up With The Stripes?
  
  Ok, so we all know zebras have stripes. They're quite spiffy. But why the hell do zebras have stripes? What is the evolutionary reasoning for that one? Have you seen a zebra? Always in the plains, aren't they? Those stripes aren't hiding them from shit. Maybe that's why every time I turn on animal planet and its not animal cops or rhinos doing the dirty, I see a bunch of lions eating a Zebra. It's like, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice Tux, but that's not gonna do much for camouflage in Afghanistan."
  
  3) They're Like Horses, But Not
  
  The zebra's closest relative is the horse. This is rather obvious if you've ever seen a zebra. They look like striped horses with mohawks. This is all fine and good. But the weird part is for looking exactly like horses, could you ever imagine a zebra with a saddle? I can't. Just try to think about riding a zebra. Get past the awesomeness for a second; isn't it a weird thought? I can barely think about horses without picturing some one riding them. But for a zebra that looks exactly the same, the thought just seems awkward.
  
  2) What Sound Does a Zebra Make?
  
  You don't know, do you? Neither do I.
  
  1) Fruit Stripe Gum
  
  

  
  

  
  Do you remember Fruit Stripe Gum? I sure as hell do. I always called it zebra gum. Hell, I still do. Once upon a time, in college, I bought a whole bunch of Fruit Stripe Gum. Several packs of it. I kept the packs in my desk drawer. Whenever some one would come over I would ask if they would like some zebra gum. They never remembered it at first and would stare at me quizzically as I would reach for the draw. As I handed them a piece they would freak out with the joy of nostalgia for the gum on a level similar to what I suppose I would expect if I handed them a piece of the Aggro Crag. I guess, my point is that I miss Fruit Stripe Gum. Also, a zebra is a really weird mascot for your gum product. But then again, zebras are just weird in general.
  
  What do you think of Zebras, do you find them weird?
  
  

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