Saturday, 02 May 2009

• Pictures of Incredible Manliness

  
  
  It takes a big man to wear pink, and an even bigger man to give kids nightmares that the tooth fairy reaching under their pillow is actually a 400 pound Everquest addicted kid toucher.  The incredible manliness of this picture comes not from the balls it takes to wear such a costume, but from the stone cold stare that promises a body slam to the first person to call him a queer.
  
  

      
  

  “Honey, are you going to work?”

  “Nah, I made plans for today.”

  “We’re finally going to have a romantic picnic in the park?”

  “No, but you can watch me ride two bulls at once and dominate the shit out of nature.  When I’m done, I’ll throw them on the grill and make steaks. What? Of course I have a boner from thinking about steak. Brace yourself, woman.”
  

  

     

  We all know that babies are an excellent source of protein, and according to a popular internet picture, the Asian ones fit nicely into sandwiches.  So why bother with protein shakes when you can have a baby bologna sandwich after a good workout? If your baby isn’t yet ripe for consumption, but still complaining about doing chores, strap some carpet to his chest and use that asshole as a Swiffer.      

  
  

   

  A dude was driving on the highway, minding his own business, when he looked to his right and saw a tsunami of titties driving next to him.  Like any civil member of the male species, he took a picture and put it on the internet.  With a golden opportunity to brag to his friends, the dude flirted with the exploding jugs and took them to dinner.  The date ended like any other; some heavy motorboating and a man who suffocated with a smile on his face.

   

  
  

  Frank likes Italian food, long walks on the beach, and deucing on your new tile floor.  This menace to society achieves his man-status not because of his spontaneous shitburst, but because his logs were so lethal that someone needed to warn the entire neighborhood.  The bottom of the flyer notes that Frank targets ladies, which I’d assume skyrocketed his Friday nights to new masturbatory heights.  

   

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