How to Make Chick Flicks More Manly

Thursday, 16 April 2009

How to Make Chick Flicks More Manly
For some reason, my comment on the "Why Titanic is the Most Manly Movie Ever" got a lot of attention. To this day responses have been trickling in.

So I am betting that there is a market for rebooting popular chick flicks into macho movies.

Let's start with 5 famous chick movies (well, the ones I got suckered into watching, anyway):

1) Love Actually

The first thing I'd do with this movie is change the title from "Love Actually" to "Die Actually." It will be a movie about hitmen/hitwomen. Instead of people trying to find love, they are trying to find people to kill.

And since that movie was about totally different lives and stories, I will take it up another notch and have them killing in different time periods.

There will be a storyline with samurais, one in ancient Rome, one in the wild west, one in WW2, one in the distant future, etc.

2) A Walk to Remember

This will be more of a sequel to the actual Walk to Remember. Scientists will exhume Jamie's body in the year 2088 and recreate her into a human cyborg. This is because America is under an attack from Future Nazis and are running out of manpower, and so they have to resort to re-animating corpses to fight the good fight. She won't be all slow like Robocop or Terminator, instead, she'll be sleek like those robots from i-Robot. Naturally, she is programmed with weapons training and marital arts (future martial arts!). And while she is learning to kill, she is also learning what it means to be human, while at the same time, teaching us a little bit about our own humanity. Oh, and Landon learned how to be immortal and is now the Future Hitler waging war on the rest of the world.

3) Sex and the City

In 2040, an asteroid is predicted to hit Earth. The US government starts operation Noah's Ark in which they try to save as much of humanity as they can in massive underground bunkers where they can survive for a thousand years. The asteroid hits and wipes out everyone on the surface of Earth, sparing only the people underground. During the next 1000 years, a completely new society has evolved and developed, one in which men are deemed unnecessary for the survival of humanity, and thus, "shelved" to conserve resources. Also, since there are no men, women have perfected cloning technology, and the new society is populated by a bunch of Mirandas, Carries, Samanthas, and Charlottes. When the dust settles on the surface world, the new all-female society emerges and decides to try an experiment to slowly introduce men back into the world. The factions of women cannot agree on the best way to handle men after centuries of hot lesbian sex, and so a massive civil war wages and the cycle of destruction of humanity continues.

4) Never Been Kissed

Instead of a news reporter being sent in to infiltrate a high school, it will be an undercover vampire working for a secret society and posing as a nun in a Catholic Church. Her mission is to root out child molesting priests and ring them to justice. In the mean time, she has to avoid crosses, holy water, and drinking human blood. It turns out the secret society didn't tell her that the priests are actually powerful demons and she ends up having to fight them all to the death before they open the Gates of Hell.

5) Life is Beautiful

I will rename this movie "Undeath is Beautiful" because I will replace everyone with zombies. It's story about a man zombie and a woman zombie trying to find love in a crazy world where humans are blowing their brains out with shotguns and chopping them up with chainsaws with extreme prejudice.

Can certain romantic movies pass off as manly or are all of them trash that should only been seen when your girlfriend or wife forces you to?

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If these movies were actually the ways mentionned in here, I think I'd actually like them.
You should make movies.
- 4/16/2009 3:37 PM
- storiesandsinker@xanga (message)
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haha. Some are funny I guess.
Some are too out there :(
However I actually like Life if Beautiful. That was a chick flick? No way!
- 4/16/2009 3:57 PM
- MangoWOW@xanga (message)
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I;m surprised you actually changed Sex in the City. At least that much... wouldn't guys be more interested if it was Sex aroun d the City?
- 4/16/2009 4:04 PM
- angi1972@xanga (message)
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Put a zombie and add post apocolyptic anything to a storyline and I'm all in regardless. Zombies and armagedon...you can't lose.
- 4/16/2009 4:05 PM
- I_am_hiphop@xanga (message)
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I agree with one of the above comments, Life is Beautiful was amazing for any person, definitely not a chick flick. It shouldn't be change in any way, shape or form.
- 4/16/2009 4:07 PM
- justXforXyou_beautiful@xanga (message)
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OMG YES.
- 4/16/2009 4:25 PM
- Dare2BDiferentt@xanga (message)
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Life is Beautiful is not a chick flick.
- 4/16/2009 4:36 PM
- NDM@xanga (message)
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Life is Beautiful is not a chick flick. Unless your girlfriend wants to make you watch something about the holocaust and you consider that a chick flick.
- 4/16/2009 4:44 PM
- LilSweetJew@xanga (message)
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@NDM@xanga - Haha, that was I was just saying. It's not a chick flick. Whoever wrote this must of been on drugs.
- 4/16/2009 4:45 PM
- LilSweetJew@xanga (message)
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Or... men could just watch their preferred genre of movies and we could leave the "classics" alone?
- 4/16/2009 4:51 PM
- the_sunsets@xanga (message)
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Why aren't you an award-winning movie director yet?
- 4/16/2009 5:02 PM
- xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx@xanga (message)
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I've NEVER seen Life Is Beautiful -_-
- 4/16/2009 5:08 PM
- sweetNsour_dreamer@xanga (message)
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Interestingly, all the chick flicks you changed into non-chick flicks. And the non-chick flick you turned into a plausibly good man chick flick.
- 4/16/2009 5:20 PM
- TheDumberScott@xanga (message)
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wow.. i'm a chick and i've only ever seen one of these.. and i didn't like it too much
- 4/16/2009 5:37 PM
- black_lie@xanga (message)
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I'm curious, will watching these unchickified chick flicks reverse the development of manboobs in previously masculine guys?
- 4/16/2009 5:44 PM
- Lynnjynh9315@xanga (message)
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i don't know any girls who have seen all those. damn.
- 4/16/2009 5:46 PM
- tjordanm@xanga (message)
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I liked 4 best except for the ending. That just made it lame.
Instead it should go something like - the secret society didn't tell her that she'd be forced to recieve the bread and wine less she be discovered, but when she does this, it slowly eats away at her from inside and out (because it's holy) which would be torture because she can't die. Finally after all the child molesting priests are rooted out, she decides to stake herself because she can't take the agony she's in anymore and she has to come face to face with her fate "after death" because she was a vampire (supposedly they have no souls) yet the holy bread and wine are inside of her.
- 4/16/2009 5:47 PM
- rocking_horse222@xanga (message)
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yes!
- 4/16/2009 5:47 PM
- XxRainyxMondayxX@xanga (message)
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1 and 5 actually sound REALLY good!
- 4/16/2009 5:49 PM
- stumpy_cheese23@xanga (message)
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well done sir, well done.
- 4/16/2009 5:51 PM
- goldenj2384 (message)
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See this is why you'll never write scripts for movies.
- 4/16/2009 5:59 PM
- ShatterFreak@xanga (message)
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I would totally watch those. I'm not really into chick flicks, but your remakes sound fantastic.
- 4/16/2009 6:03 PM
- XxbutterflyknivesXx@xanga (message)
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@angi1972@xanga - I thought the same, lol.
- 4/16/2009 6:07 PM
- Purple_Harlequin@xanga (message)
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Oh man. I hope a lot of stuff blows up. That always makes it better. Yes. This posts wins! Something. I don't have a prize. whoops.
- 4/16/2009 6:10 PM
- yourblondeness@xanga (message)
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yes
- 4/16/2009 6:33 PM
- miko331@xanga (message)
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