I don't know about you guys, but I like to dance. Dancing, to me, is an expression of joy and happiness. It represents release, a carefree nature, just letting yourself go. Now sometimes when I dance it is with members of the opposite sex. This is no way diminishes the enjoyment I get while dancing and, in fact, sometimes it increases it. This can run the gamut from goofy freestyle dance-offs to straight-up sexy dancing.
Now what's sexy dancing you ask? Sexy dancing is the kind of dancing frequently featured at
high school dances or in
R. Kelly songs. Now I didn't attend high school dances because ours happened to be hosted in our cafeteria and the idea of paying $5 to dance in a cafeteria just didn't have that much allure, especially since for a while I had a secret girlfriend (not a euphemism for my hand) that didn't go to our high school.
But at college parties and in bars and clubs I have, as mentioned earlier, found myself doing some of what is referred to as grind-dancing or, simply, grinding. I wouldn't say I'm a particularly good dancer, but I am spirited. As a result, I sometimes find myself dancing with girls who can expertly move their lower halves and this, in turn, can result in increased bloodflow to my nether-regions.
I have some friends and they admit to periodically having similar experiences; so no more hiding from it, I'm talking about the dancefloor boner. At some point in our lives it becomes an inevitability and so, through careful scientific research and polling (two "l's," again, not a euphemism) of random females and ex-lovers alike I have devised "Dancefloor Boner Etiquette" to help any of you who may find yourselves in this position in the future.
When you're going out for a night on the town with the potential for sexy dancing, a good first step is to deck yourself out in boxer-briefs or straight briefs, as opposed to boxers, as they will aid you somewhat in crime prevention. Failing this, of course, there is still plenty of precautionary work you can do. When you feel the rumbling begin, plan a brief dance floor turning movement. Girls like to have your backside at their frontside from time-to-time and in this moment you can execute
the tuck rule which, lest you are unfamiliar, is to raise your friend to full mast and trap or, "tuck," him in place behind your waistband.
But maybe you don't have the slickness to execute the move. Since you probably don't want to exit the dancefloor and compromise a prospect (though some have been known to say they are going to "get some fresh air," or something to that effect, which can occasionally result in early leaving time if your prospect decides to come with), there is always the
Ron Burgundy method. As I said, I've spoken to real live girls before (usually for $1.80+ per minute, but still) and some admit to being flattered by feeling a little extra something when you're dancing real close, especially when it's more than a little extra.
So don't back down or show fear. If the girl seems thrown for a loop just say, "sorry, that's never happened to me just from dancing before; I've never met a girl who can move like you do." Not only will she be doubly flattered by this — and women love to have their egos stroked — she will be able to sense that your statements were connected by a semicolon and girls find good grammar and punctuation incredibly sexy. Even if you use it incorrectly there is a good chance she'll be impressed with your effort.
Of course, if she truly looks disgusted and walks away, all you need to do is say, "Hey baby, don't flatter yourself, that wasn't from dancing with you, it was from looking at that guy [point at another guy in the bar]." Girls, as I said, love to be flattered, but they really hate to be told they're nothing special. Girls are competitive about guys, so losing out to another girl for your interest is bad enough, but losing out to a guy just doubles the blow.
Got any dancefloor boner experiences of your own? How did you handle them?
Comments (77)
Getting these in public as a dude, sucks. You can't exactly just turn it off, lol.
Lovely. The tuck is a great method to execute, avoid disaster.
hehe..this is why i never dance with boys I don't know.. If I feel anything like a third leg, I will feel disgusted and leave. If it is a friend, it can be forgiven..but I would most likely not dance with him ever again.
haha
Rofl. This is why I don't grind.
@Kazydai - Truth... truth. Mad dash for the bathroom?
bahahha oh yeahhhhh you had to throw in that semicolon didn't you, i'm all excited now
haha one of the reasons why being a girl rules
Ahah, it's actually a huge turn on when my boyfriend gets a boner while we're dancing ;)
"tuck in the waist band"--uh, you're assuming all kinds of size parameters in that statement! LOL!
@doLc3@xanga - Agreed! :D
It must be wild, being 14 years old having to control your dick. My serpent is under control at all times and doesn't cause problems. How dumb are you - you can't even look after your schlong. That's fucked up. I know these posts are supposed to be humorous and get attention but this is just plain stupid.
Haha. I think for many out there...this may be a goal instead of a secret.
It's best to just not say anything. If she's not running away screaming, then just keep going. At best, she enjoys it, at worst, she doesn't care.
I love being a girl...
Men can't really help it, and between my brothers raising me and my years on the swim team I suppose I would fall into the "doesn't really care category". As long as the guy is not trying to have dry sex with me or something I would just finish the dance.
LOL. I never heard of this tucking business.
And yes it sort of flattering but only if you've been dancing with the guy for a while face to face. So for those of you who like to sneak up on a girl on the dance floor with a boner already in progress: that is not ok.
LOL. this reminded of that time when i was out dancing with a guy friend... i'd rather not give out details but i enjoyed the rest of the night after we danced... and i know he did too.
LOL. I've actually caused one once... I didn't want to embarrass the
dude, but he basically said he wanted to take a break and I figured out
that what was against my hind quarters was...what I thought it was.
Anyway we didn't dance again that night.
I've retired my dancing pants though... so the situation is likely not to happen again.
@sweetNsour_dreamer@xanga - Dang! You took my comment! Hehe! But yeah, I can't dance either. In fact, I'm the type you are most likely to see bobbing my head to a good song instead.
For the record, I have excellent schlong control.
oh, baby, yes! semicolons are sexy. ;)
this makes me laugh...
and hey, it is kind of flattering to feel that, as long as it's someone you actually like...
ahaha great semi-colon line. def. sexy ;)
lol but hmm... yeah I've had a few guys getting boners while dancing with them... it's kind of weird at first but I just kept dancing as if nothing is happening down in their region... lol.