Wednesday, 08 April 2009
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3 Simple Ways To End An Argument With Your Lady
It's the fourth time that your girlfriend caught you watching pr0n on your iPhone during dinner with her parents. Trying to turn the phone off, you accidentally turn the volume on, leaving Mom and Dad with the symphony of four midgets pounding away on a busty blonde while another climbs up her back like a beanstalk.You tell your girlfriend that it's just Lord of the Rings, but she kicks you in the shin and takes away your dessert plate, shoveling her face with chocolate cheesecake.
With the chocolate approach gone, you need a new strategy to diffuse the fight ahead:
1) The Underground Mongoose
Aside from the power to embarrass you in sweatpants, your penis has the power of instant diplomacy. When sitting down to talk, put your leg up on the couch and let your shorts slip back, revealing your mongoose peeking out from his cave. Assume a retardedly dead-eyed Nicolas Cage stare and if she keeps talking, shake your hips and wiggle it a little. Eventually, confusion will set in and you'll have the opportunity to remind her that you're never gonna give her up and never gonna let her down. As soon as she hears that you're never gonna make her cry, she'll be humping your leg like an AXE commercial.
2) Safety in Numbers
Fights are much like sex; women love when other women are involved. If the fight happens in public, find another attractive woman in proximity, and begin arguing with her as well. When you have both of them yelling at you, go completely silent; it's only a matter of time before they start fighting each other. If the fight between them goes sour and doesn't go topless, step up and protect your girlfriend against the crazy bitch that can't mind her own business. After your lady thanks you for being her big, bad protector, tell her that you forgive her for starting the fight in the first place.
3) Include John and Kate
If man knew how to digitally encode a vagina and send it through television waves, it would look less vaginal than John and Kate Plus 8. Much like red cloth to a bull, turning on this show will distract your girlfriend with another man being verbally abused into emasculated submission by his wife before going to work for her father to save up college tuition for eight kids. Be sure to comment on how cute all of the children are while they watch Daddy's life force whither away with the comfort of a taint-punch. The challenge here is to keep any comparisons between Kate and famous German leaders during the 1930's to yourself.
Do you have a more effective way of settling an argument?
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About the Author
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- From: goldenj2384
- Name: justin
- About Me: I'm a writer, I'm a guitarist, I'm a boyfriend, a brother, and a son. That order changes daily. I play guitar and write lyrics for Escape the Skyline and now I'm a writer for Mancouch.
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Comments (57)
Arguments? What are those....?
*cracks whip*
Hahahah, this is ridiculously hilarious.
I can't think of any better ways to end arguments, really :P
wow, is this what man really think? hahahha. Just say, "I'm sorry." End of the story.
this entry is epic lol
never have truer words been written lmao
@Genie118@xanga - this is mancouch, where men take the silliest stereotypes of themselves, inflate it to monstrous proportions, and laugh about it.
@Romans_837@xanga - true story.
but this was kind of funny :o/
Boys are ridiculous.
But I suppose that's why we like them.
ps.... Kate is a jerk :P
...This is entertaining.
But, (for me) completely inaccurate. Just apologize. Maybe she'll like the porn ;)
Uhm. Wow. This satire is amazing.
My method of ending fights is saying "I'm sorry" before shutting up.
This blog gets the Mancouch win stamp.
Huh. No, no, and uh, no.
Entertaining, but I say sort it out with her. Least you're trying.
I usually just kiss her and we start making out and stop arguing!
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
You were right.
Here's some chocolate.
Tried and true. : D
just say you're wrong and the argument ends there.
Haha. That made me chuckle. And just like the others, the whole 'sorry' thing works.
Ha, masterpiece! Especially the John&Kate option. Who knew female domination could be so hypnotizing?
seriously.
like the other women said.
just say "sorry"
or admit you're wrong. lol
Argument over.
;]
"i'm sorry" requires speaking, the underground mongoose is easier
i like that girl on girl picture..feisty :D
how about you just strip her clothes off and pound her good..that'll shut her up.
lol!
i like pounding
@CyanideNGunpowder@xanga - lmfao!
@goldenj2384 - hahahaha! So true.
@asdfghjkieu@xanga - That always works for me ;]
@TheGreatGreene@xanga - PSH not always, cuz then you'll get the guys that always say sorry, and you'll get annoyed by it. Cuz then they are just saying it.
The easiest way of ending an argument is admitting you were wrong.
I'm not like most women, but when I have a HUGE problem with my bf, it's usually cuz he actually is in the wrong. (which isn't often)
but admit your wrong.
Followed by incredible make up sex.
Argument over :D
lmao
The mongoose thing
= worked before. It's awesome lmao
just say "sorry"? ROFL! When has that ever worked? It only leads to an extra 30-40min of bla-bla-bla.
Hahahahahahah. I thought guys are not supposed to be "deep", as in, just say "sorry" without doing anything too much?
Just saying "sorry" works just as fine, if not better, than the methods mentioned above! Hilarious!