Tuesday, 07 April 2009
-
Proud To Be A F'buddy?
There really is nothing new under the sun, so they say! But I say that there is something new about the way that some women find it so easy to label themselves as F'Buddies.
I understand that people are not as reserved and private as they used to be but, that does not change the fact that women should demand and expect to be respected. Just because you are not in love with a sex partner, does not mean that you don't deserve to be respected. Your feelings and desires are still valid. When you diminish the value of your body, you set yourself up to be disrespected. You certainly can't expect for someone to treat your body and heart, any better than you treat it yourself.
When I was in my 20's, women who slept with random guys were called sl*ts, tramps and wh**es. Then a new phrase came on the scene, it was known as" booty call"! And now we have f'buddy. Same definition for each; same story, different category!
I didn't agree with the biased treatment of women then and I don't agree with it now, but it was and still is a reality. I felt guys should have been labeled accordingly! But guys or men have never been labeled accordingly. Women have always been held to a higher standard.
What I really want to say is that, it is so easy to short change yourself when you give of yourself expecting nothing in return.
Listen to how this sounds: I'm a F'buddy!
When a family member or a close friend asks about the nature of a friendship of yours, who comfortably answers by stating,"oh we are just f'buddies." If your mother asks whether or not someone is a new boyfriend, who answers by saying, "no he isn't, we're just f'buddies".
The reason we don't identify ourselves openly as f'buddies is because, in our hearts and in our minds, we don't feel good about being identified as a f'buddy. We feel less than adequate.
How many f'buddies are talking about being in love, about missing their f'buddy and about heartaches associated with their relationship and the f'buddy. If you are a bonafide f'buddy, then what's love got to do with it! Why is your heart involved in all of this anyway?
It's involved in all of this because you are a woman first and women by nature, desires love and affection. We want to be wanted and we want to be held and kissed. Our hearts and bodies long for more than a f'buddy is willing to give. Who wouldn't want to just crawl under a car, if they approached a group of people on the street, who recognized them as a f'buddy! Whether you admit it or not, it's a gut wrenching feeling.
Don't let anybody treat you as if you were less than a woman or less than a valuable person. If someone acts as if they can take you or leave you, then let them go right then and there! If you begin your role as a f'buddy, you'll end your role as a f'buddy. There is no room for advancement, no chance of an upgrade and an increased risk for contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Your f'buddy won't see you as ever being worthy of his affection or of his attention. This is because he got you without exerting any effort, there was no criteria, the bar was too low. You came to him with no strings attached, advertising yourself as free fruit, his for the asking.
Maybe there are a few women who don't have a problem with their role as a f'buddy. So for those of you that do, let me put it to you another way. If your daughter or son asked you about the nature of a relationship that they have noticed, between you and another, would you tell them that you are just f'buddies?
You don't volunteer to be a f'buddy, you are demoted into that role. Unfortunately sometimes the demotion is instant, even before a word comes out of your mouth. Your body language can preceed you...
And for the record, a f'buddy is totally different from a prostitute, because at least a prostitute charges for the degradation of her body. F'buddies reap no benefits, other than having sex, cheap thrills. Even a relationship that lacks love, should always demonstrate a mutual respect between the parties involved.
Are women more likely who find themselves stuck as a f'buddy? Do guys get labels attached to them for being a f'buddy? Have you ever had or been a f'buddy?
http://mancouch.com
-
recommend
- recs 2
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to mancouch's Mancouch Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in mancouch's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: denisethornton@xanga
- Name: Denise
- About Me: I'm a wife, mother and grandmother. I love to write. I love walking on the lake front. My favorite book is the bible. I love life.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 2271 Comments: 0 63 View all posts by denisethornton@xanga
Comments (38)
'at least a prostitute charges for the degradation of her body' haha, so true!!
Nope, I've never been a f'buddy and I hope I'll never be!
Good post ;)
Wow. Okay, so I want to know why this was thrown on mancouch and not datingish.
I understand you want your opinion known, Â and maybe you're trying to reach a male crowd, but why is this here? This post should be aimed more at the women who need to hear about respecting their bodies, because I do agree with what you have to say.
Onto the post itself, yeah, some people might be proud, but what are you going to do? I don't agree with it, but you can't change someone you don't know, and you can't change their life style either.
I have to wonder if maybe you're trying to label a fuck buddy as the male version of a slut? Men can be sluts too.
and why are you saying that only women get "stuck being fuck buddies" in your last line? Both parties are fuck buddies in that case.
I've had fuck buddies and I find it lots of fun. Its a good stress reliever and it just plain old feels good. While I believe its degrading to an extent, I believe as long as you both respect each other its fine. And yes, I do believe you can respect someone while fucking them. I guess maybe that why I try to actually be friends with my fuck buddy. This topic actually came up in another thread and girls seemed very confused that I actually had kept some sort of connection with my fuck buddies.
To me, there is a difference between a fuck buddy and a booty call. I guess those girls don't know the difference.
Call me old-fashioned, but... I can't see myself having sex with someone I'm not in a committed, monogamous relationship with.
you go in too much, too deep on a folly of the young.
why is it that you portray the woman (or men for that matter)as being chosen to be a fuck-buddy by lack of merit? there is no promotion nor demotion - it's merely a method of enjoying the carnal pleasures without the attached connotations.
however, women and men with children should behave themselves accordingly, because having to explain the presence of a fuck-buddy to your children is adolescent, immature, and hardly becoming.
that said, you take a road too righteous on mancouch. the fact that your thesis is subsequent to a post titled "bar fight: cage vs. toretto", makes it nothing more than a... pompous farce.
seems your righteous fire would prove to be most effective whence breathed upon the immoral heathens over at datingish.
I really like how adamant you are in advocating women to really have more respect for themselves and not settle for less because they believe that's all they are worth.
But like everything else, people who have convinced themselves that they can not advance further will embrace what they have and glorify it..its the same idea with strippers and women who get plastic surgery.
I don't believe all guys are assholes and I don't believe they only want sex. Being a f'buddy is nothing to be proud of. Everyone likes sex. That's nothing new, but it isn't something to brag about especially when the person you share your body with have such little respect for you. And it goes both ways. I don't think this situation is exclusive to only girls.
whatever. it is completely possible to be a f'buddy without degrading yourself, falling in love with the partner, wanting more than just sex, lacking affection, getting STDs, and all that negative stuff you listed. been there, done that, no hard feelings.
I'm a guy and I'd never be just a fuck buddy. It just sounds so crass.
And guys totally need to have respect for themselves too, else they'll never get themselves a good woman, as the girls worth having would never allow a manwhore to touch them!!
i totally found myself as a fbuddy not too long ago and like all women, i thought,"maybe if i do this long enough, he would come around," but he never did and one day, i realized that i wanted more because it made me sick every time i left in the morning and go home lonley. i think women do it because they think they can change him but men are like this, they say what they mean and they are not going to change for you, you take them as you see them. so i stopped picking up the phone, returning the texts and eventually he realized that i was done with it. i left because it wasn't worth my time anymore, i was tired of always wandering if he was thinking of me or if he was happy with her. after a while, he showed up on my door step to apologize and told me that he was sorry that it ended the way it did, but wanted to know that it wasn't all his fault, i'm also as responsible as he is too. we became friends and now, we're in a real exclusive relationship. i guess things worked out in the end.
my only advice if you're in a situation where you're a fbuddy, make sure you know what you're doing and keep your feelings out of anything you do with that person, because once your feelings are there, it's just going to get harder for you when you're away from that person. or don't do it if you already know that you're emotions are going to get involved. don't get me wrong, let's just say that he's the best so far and he still is.
I have come to find out that a F'buddy usually comes to be because one of them is in a commited relationship, or have a "someone else" so they are basically creeping around. If they are both single with no attachments then the first one to come out and claim f'buddy is the one that doesnt want to become a boyfriend or girlfriends and need to be dumped immediatly
For some people, sex is just about sex. It's not about love and relationships and all those things. So, I think that being F'buddy would be okay for them.
Would I do it? No. But I'm okay with people who would.
if you are a fuck buddy, i think you should be capable of saying "fuck."
=D
ps. can i ask why mancouch cares about the effects fuck buddy relationships have on WOMEN?
"F'buddies reap no benefits, other than having sex, cheap thrills." <-- lol?
Just because you believe people must be married before they start dating doesn't mean the rest of the world must sacrifice the few pleasures they can derive from it.
@The_Tudor_Rose@xanga - "Wow. Okay, so I want to know why this was thrown on mancouch and not datingish."
Because mancouch is an epic fail. A post by a woman to women on mancouch?
Why don't you just ban posting while under the influence of testosterone? And change the name to Bitching couch.
@coolmonkey@xanga - God Damn, For once I agree with you.
@black_lie@xanga -
"whatever. it is completely possible to be a f'buddy without degrading yourself..."
If you are one, you've already degraded yourself.
@coolmonkey@xanga - I second this motion.
Denise, as a frequent mancouch commenter and a critic of women who post and comment here, I would like to say that I agree with absolutely every word you've written here.
Well said, awesome sis!
@The_Tudor_Rose@xanga - That's what I'm thinking.
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - I third it.
Even as a women who "invades" Mancouch. This is total crap.
Seriously. I come here for violence, dumb jokes and titties.
I'm disappointed.
You, yourself are holding women to a higher degeree in saying that it is degrading for us, I've been a "f*buddy" a few times, and while all I want is to simply have sex with no strings attatched even then its almost impossible to get. I've had every "f*buddy" of mine want something more. Why is it so bad to want to have sex and not have any thing come of it, why do guys expect a relationship when all I wanted was sex? Whats wrong with only wanting sex? I honestly dont see whats so great about being in a relationship. If you ask me its highly over rated. Yeah you can call me a sl*t or a wh*re but I really dont care, because more than half the time the guys calling me those names are the guys who try and fail at having sex with me. Which in the end is pretty ass backwards. I think its all in how you veiw it, if you think it as a bad thing then that is indeed what it becomes, it doesnt have to be bad. mmmm. I dunno.... all I've got to go on here is my experiences and views. so. bah.
good post though! even if I dont agree!
I didnt read the posts before mine, because I usually dont care. But after my post I scrolled up and read and then I got to this "
I really like how adamant you are in advocating women to really have more respect for themselves and not settle for less because they believe that's all they are worth.
But like everything else, people who have convinced themselves that they can not advance further will embrace what they have and glorify it..its the same idea with strippers and women who get plastic surgery.
I don't believe all guys are assholes and I don't believe they only want sex. Being a f'buddy is nothing to be proud of. Everyone likes sex. That's nothing new, but it isn't something to brag about especially when the person you share your body with have such little respect for you. And it goes both ways. I don't think this situation is exclusive to only girls. "
Its not exclusive to girls, I agree with that but the fact that people think that JUST BECAUSE your having sex with someone who isnt your 'boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife is disrespecting your body is ridiculous, and honestly people who believe those things are why the words slut whore skank skeeze and all of the other derogatory words to describe a women exist. Because you think its not okay, and why isnt it? honestly I'd like someone to tell me what makes it so wrong of me to want to have sex with someone and NOT be forced into a relationship with them? You want men to stop degrading women? Well first women have to stop belittling each other. If you dont agree with my choices thats fine, if you dont like them, thats fine too, but dont sit there and tell me I'm a whore because I dont choose to live the same way you do. Its so frustrating, to have a women say 'women need to value themselves' and have another women turn around and demean you because you dont think you should have to be in a relationship with someone to have sex with them.
There is more than one way to degrade a women. Maybe you should post on that? The idk 50 ways to degrade a women, and not just FOR MEN because its mancouch, women degrade each other every day.
Where do you think men got the idea?
i'm going to agree with the motion for a move to datingish. granted i might not have read the article if it hadn't been posted here, but still. after i read the article i looked at the author's photo/bio and did a double take...i guess i was expecting someone younger, a single empowered 20-something woman.
but, i actually agree with a lot of what is said here about the double standard. when i'm in a relationship with a girl, i can usually look past their prior hook-ups because, well, they're in the past (and i'm expecting them to do the same of me). but in retrospect, now that we aren't dating i respect a couple of my exes less for disrespecting themselves hooking up with guys i consider total dirtbags (these being guys they hooked up with before we dated).
most of the girls I know would be upset to be like that. they know theyre sluts, and theyre embarrassed. there's no softening of the term.
i crave relations, not sex. if i never had to have sex again, i could probably survive, as long as i had strong relationships around me. i need talk buddies. lol
@The_Tudor_Rose@xanga - Wow. Okay, so I want to know why this was thrown on mancouch and not datingish. ~ i agree! this is datingish-worthy!
@TheL0ki@xanga - And guys totally need to have respect for themselves too, else they'll never get themselves a good woman, as the girls worth having would never allow a manwhore to touch them!! ~ i agree with you too!
i guess you have to know what you want. if you just want to be a f*** buddy, it's your call. if you want a man/woman worth having, be worth having yourself.
nice post!!!