Wednesday, 01 April 2009
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How To Get a Date on Craigslist
Legal prostitution, or Craigslist, can be a very successful entry to dating if you know the proper technique of writing a personals ad. The competition against other horny dudes can be vicious, but I can show you the way to stand out as the Prince Charming of horny basement-dwellers.
Recently, my friend asked my brother and I to help him write a personals ad that would attract a nice, kind female companion for him. Minus the part where he asked us.
What we came up with is a textbook example of how to get a date on Craigslist.
****
Notice to all human females:
My name is Wesley and I am currently finishing my studies at Buff University. With a cumulative GPA of 3.9, and all the honor societies I am in, it’s hard for me to really put myself out there. I double major in Buffchemistry and Cellular Buffology, hoping to one day find the cure for human weakness (or any other disease that will benefit my fellow man). Every day, I like to unwind by working out at the gym. Although I am no Brad Pitt from Fight Club, I can whole-heartedly say that my body is a wonderland.
An entire land of wonder.
When not improving myself physically and mentally, I make an effort to donate my time at the children’s hospital. We spend our time doing puzzles, solving crosswords, and making sure that they stay mentally fit. I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. And in order to lead, they need a good leader like me.
As you may have guessed, I am a devout Catholic and I attend church every Sunday (I haven’t missed since I was 5, oh man!). Luckily, I never have any sins to atone for. Back when I lived in California, I ran for Calabasas Treasurer, hoping to usher more Catholic ideals into the political system. I lost horribly.
At home, I am the father of a black Scottish Terrier named Lady. I treat her like a princess. She has her own home in my room, which I painted pink and purple, and every Friday night we like to have dinner together (her favorite is filet mignon but I try not to spoil her LOL!). She is my best friend, my only black friend, and I love her with all my heart. If she ever left me, my heart would be broken.
Back to the ladies, I am looking for a white female who likes to read, listen to jazz, and discuss the major literary themes of Dostoevsky. I am not a drinker and my companion shouldn’t be either. I know my dream lady is out there, in the back of some library, waiting for Prince Wesley to save her. All I’ve ever wanted is a nice, gentle, female soul to settle-down with.
Some intercourse wouldn’t hurt either.****
Do you think the ladies will dig this ad? If you had write a personal ad, what would you include?
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Comments (24)
or http://current.com/items/89926029/the_craigslist_genie.htm
if you're into creepers then this add will get you hot like no other.
For some reason when I saw the picture at the top...I just fucking lost it. LOL
thanks for the sub.
lol
although i don't know who in their right mind would want to have daily updates from my UBER boring blog..
haha
-V
ps. nice blog :)
LOL I'D VOTE FOR HIM
I'd probably answer it thinking it was someone trying to be witty and funny. lol
oh yeahhh *salivate*
This man sounds like prime real estate. I'd give him.. three days before he is all ladied up.
lmao nice command center.
damn straight
Haha, wow. That is a pretty great prank...If there are any good responses, you should post them.
i have that duck stuffed animal :o
ahhaha ! this is pretty funny.
but er wait, is this a real ad o-O
LOL
Got to be something better than putting lies out there.
please give me the link on craigslists
LOL!!
hahahahahha
haha. If that were real.....
That is the single best thing I've seen all day.
buff body tiny pecker :) lol
lost me at the catholic nor drinking, waiting for me in the back of a library, creepy dog shit. uhhh honestly the whole thing just sounds like a load of crap. like if i readthat i'd think you were retarded lol
@leahcattonOMFG@xanga - good, that means i succeeded
Show you are a good provider. Women want a man that can meet their needs. If you are a good provider, you are naturally more attractive to women. But when it comes to dating, I am not asking you to be a push over or a sugar daddy. The first step to being a good provider in the context of dating is to take care and provide for yourself. If you can’t provide for yourself, how are you going to provide for her as the relationship develops? Provide for yourself physically, get fit, stay fit and show her that you care about your health not just from a vanity perspective but from a longevity perspective as well. Get to the gym, if you smoke – quit, make the steps necessary to get healthy now and long term. A healthy man is going to be able to provide for his woman long term and that gets her mating bells ringing. Don’t brag about your workouts either, in the words of Nike “Just Do It.” Bragging defeats the purpose; you need to show her that you are providing for yourself for you, not to impress anyone else. That way when she visualizes you providing for her, it won’t be under the notion that you are doing it for ulterior motives.
Be generous to yourself. In order to be more attractive to women Many guys will go out and spend every cent on the girl they are dating while at the same time being stingy when it comes to themselves. This doesn’t show women you are a good provider, it shows them you want to get laid. Consistently be good to yourself, if you go shopping buy yourself a new outfit, have her help you pick it out and don’t flinch just treat yourself because you deserve it! I don’t mean to cut her out of the picture completely, but when it comes to treating her save your ammo be thoughtful and think trough the gifts you give so that they are from the heart and not a bargaining chip for sex. You want to show her that if she makes it in to your inner-circle you will then give her the #1 spot you currently hold for yourself, but she MUST earn that title. Making women work for it naturally makes you more attractive to women.
Be available when the time comes. What I mean here is don’t settle. I certainly don’t mean don’t date anyone you don’t see yourself marring. What I mean is categorize women. It sounds cold but women and sex are a drug and you need to be careful. When you first meet a woman you need to decide, is this a girl I want to go to dinner with, is this a party friend, is this a short term relationship or could she be the one. You have to set a plan, and for the most part hold to it. More people end up with bad relationships because they had nothing to do on a Friday night in 1998 and just kept seeing the person because it was easy. Don’t be that guy! Always be ready and uncommitted until a worthwhile woman EARNS your commitment. Nothing makes you less attractive to women than a guy in a relationship with a low grade girl.
Have your resume ready. In order to be more attractive to women you need to always be ready. when you do meet that worthwhile woman, have your game face ready and your story straight. You need to be confident, clear, thoughtful and most importantly you need to show her that you deserve her and maybe a little bit better than her. If you independently surveyed the best couples you find a common thread, each person feels they are getting the better deal. If you are with the right woman, you brain and ego will scream “WOW DON’T BLOW IT! She is the one, you don’t deserve such an amazing woman” the key is to keep your cool, don’t drool and make sure her inner voice says the same thing.
Hope that helps,
www.askaden.com
www.heatherobsessed.com
-A.