How To Get a Date on Craigslist

Wednesday, 01 April 2009

How To Get a Date on Craigslist

Legal prostitution, or Craigslist, can be a very successful entry to dating if you know the proper technique of writing a personals ad. The competition against other horny dudes can be vicious, but I can show you the way to stand out as the Prince Charming of horny basement-dwellers.
Recently, my friend asked my brother and I to help him write a personals ad that would attract a nice, kind female companion for him. Minus the part where he asked us.
What we came up with is a textbook example of how to get a date on Craigslist.
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Notice to all human females:
My name is Wesley and I am currently finishing my studies at Buff University. With a cumulative GPA of 3.9, and all the honor societies I am in, it’s hard for me to really put myself out there. I double major in Buffchemistry and Cellular Buffology, hoping to one day find the cure for human weakness (or any other disease that will benefit my fellow man). Every day, I like to unwind by working out at the gym. Although I am no Brad Pitt from Fight Club, I can whole-heartedly say that my body is a wonderland.

An entire land of wonder.

When not improving myself physically and mentally, I make an effort to donate my time at the children’s hospital. We spend our time doing puzzles, solving crosswords, and making sure that they stay mentally fit. I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way. And in order to lead, they need a good leader like me.

As you may have guessed, I am a devout Catholic and I attend church every Sunday (I haven’t missed since I was 5, oh man!). Luckily, I never have any sins to atone for. Back when I lived in California, I ran for Calabasas Treasurer, hoping to usher more Catholic ideals into the political system. I lost horribly.

At home, I am the father of a black Scottish Terrier named Lady. I treat her like a princess. She has her own home in my room, which I painted pink and purple, and every Friday night we like to have dinner together (her favorite is filet mignon but I try not to spoil her LOL!). She is my best friend, my only black friend, and I love her with all my heart. If she ever left me, my heart would be broken.



Back to the ladies, I am looking for a white female who likes to read, listen to jazz, and discuss the major literary themes of Dostoevsky. I am not a drinker and my companion shouldn’t be either. I know my dream lady is out there, in the back of some library, waiting for Prince Wesley to save her. All I’ve ever wanted is a nice, gentle, female soul to settle-down with.

Some intercourse wouldn’t hurt either.
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Do you think the ladies will dig this ad? If you had write a personal ad, what would you include?
Justin