So, I've always tried to understand why girls fall for guys who are trying to make it clear that they are not interested.
Yes, I am usually the guy who is uninterested, not because I don't this person is great, but because I am simply not in a position to be able to give a lot of love. Emotionally, I am simply not 100% at this point in my life.
What blows my mind is that a guy does not have to do anything for the girl to fully convince herself, that the fellow likes her.
Yes, it’s true. The conclusion I've come to, is this: girls see talking as a really, really big deal. If all the two people do is send emails back and forth for three months talking of nothing more than their likes and dislikes, she's convinced you are interested in her. In which case, 95% of the time, she’s going to start liking you.
The man in this situation though, is still on square one. In his mind, they're just talking. They do hang out on occasion, but only in groups. He probably thinks she’s awesome, but really doesn't feel heck of a lot either way. Besides that, he's got a lot of stuff going on in his life at that moment.
So, what we have here are two people on completely different pages of thought. As per usual, the woman is light years ahead of the guy, because she can't keep a lid on her heart. This story will probably end badly.
The man will have to figure out what he is going to do. Especially if he doesn't want to end the friendship.
Which, if he were to confront the situation head on, that would probably be what took place. The other option however, is too simply let things go the way they've been going, and see what happens. But the chances are that the girl would just start to see him as a passive loser, in which case, her and anyone connected to her would simply end all contact with the well meaning guy. Of course, he's only a passive loser if he's interested in her, which to her there is no doubt, they've been talking for a long time!
Are women already planning their future with a guy once they meet and start talking?
Comments (53)
Not necessarily. Some girls let the possibilities of what could be fog their vision and prevents them from seeing the real situation. If that made any sense, I'm not sure.
I actually never assume someone is interested in me unless the signs are obvious. Even when my now boyfriend used to kiss me on the forehead before we parted ways after hanging out, I could never tell that he was into me. The only reason we're even together is because I started to be interested in him and I made that pretty clear.
I never assume anyone likes me. Ever. That's just kinda...no. I'm usually the one who thinks it's 'just talking' while the guy thinks that we're talking talking and I'm like, no. It's kinda frustrating but I have better options than guys do, I guess, but still.
Yeah usually it's the other way around. I'm the one just talking talking normally and then out of nowhere it seems the guy is interested. Happened a lot in the past. Eventually they would understand that I didn't like them, that I was just talking but you have to make it clear. Saying things like " I'm so happy without a relationship, I can focus on myself and will do so for quite a while now" will definitely tell the other person that you don't want to be with them.
you must be a young one.
women start visualizing the floral arrangelments and whom to place as bridesmaids at their wedding the moment they drop panties. for you. with you.
sure, while some females may voice diagreement or even displeasure, alas, 'tis the nature of the female psyche.
right, ladies?
Ummm... no?
I know a lot of girls who do, and a lot who don't. I guess it depends on who you're talking to, what you're talking about and bla bla bla.
You can't lump people together, but yeah, I can see where it might seem like that is all that ever happens.
I don't think so...
Sure I agree though that girls sometimes think if a guy talks to them a lot and such that there is a possibility that they guy likes her. But I try not to just "assume" that the guy likes me... it takes me A LOT for a guy to convince me that he likes me and wants to be with me. I've been screwed over by a few guys so far that I thought liked me... so I'm no idiot.
not at all. i talk to men now who i do not aspire for anything further romantically. i think that happens sometimes with women moreso than men because we do tend to become emotionally attached quicker than men, but not always true. men can become just as easily emotionally attached, and get ahead of themselves as well.
"Yes, it’s true. The conclusion I've come to, is this: girls see
talking as a really, really big deal. If all the two people do is send
emails back and forth for three months talking of nothing more than
their likes and dislikes, she's convinced you are interested in her.
In which case, 95% of the time, she’s going to start liking you."
I wish this was always so.
But I do see your point, I kind of just pretend that girls aren't interested in me just as a barrier, even if I notice otherwise. I'd rather be alone than some weird guy that she wants to talk about with her friends.
I like your jokes. Keep dreaming, boy.
There are always two sides of the story. I've fallen for a guy who took the time to actually get to know me. He didn't base anything he knew of me from other people [including my brother]. He wanted to spend time with me. He bought my dinner numerous times, refused to allow me to pay him back, and all I can figure out is that he only likes me as a friend. He GAVE me reasons to think that he liked me. I won't get all into it, but if I didn't know any better, he was leading me on. He probably didn't mean to, but it happened.
I actually think that's quite true...
well I believe that girls only assume things about guys when they are interested in that certain guy.
I was actually in this situation before and I believe a lot of times girls like guys who are unavailable for what ever reason. Maybe I liked the guy because I wanted to change him and open him up to what he was missing out on. It never worked and I realised it was a waste of time. Plus, there are a lot of guys who are way too available and pushy that I would never be interested it. They are sometimes known as the creepy guys.
But when it comes down to it, I think it just stumps girls when they try everything they can and the guy is still not interested.
Also, there's a fine line between what you should do when you just want to be friends with a girl. If you flirt with her or suggests hanging out or even call her; she might misinterpret you actions and think that you like her. But if you just want to be her friend then just act like a friend. You can even talk about another girl to her and ask for advice if there is another girl. Then that should make her get the picture.
Wrong? Same could be applied to men.
You're way too young to get it =[
The situation that you just described was me exactly about two years ago.
I myspace messaged a guy for a year straight, hoping that we would eventually date. Um yeah, that never happened. Much for the reasons that you just mentioned. I kept hoping he would change his mind, but he didn't. There's a year of my life that I will never get back.
Where were you two years ago???
I don't think you could stick that to a certain gender, I think basically that will happen to anyone who's not interested in a relationship. Somehow a lot of people think everyone who's single is looking for somebody.
@lovechartreuse@xanga - Have you got any idea how immature it is to tell somebody their to young to get something just because you don't feel like actually backing your point up? Your comment is incredibly Ironic. Thank you for providing me with a good laugh.
@FallenReign@xanga - agreed.
i hate to assume and short of making out, i won't think someone likes me unless i've been told...usually if a guy does like me, he has to be pretty direct about it.
I think it is the reverse actually. My girlfriends and I have guys calling us and telling us how great we are.. and spending $$ on us when clearly we are not interested. And it is not like we are leading them on. We're simply being friendly. Perhaps they think that not directly telling them to back off is like a open window of opportunity? LOL. guys are funny as hell.
@John_of_the_bloomdocks@xanga - Spare me. You're not actually laughing and there's no "irony" in it. Irony would imply that I was his age or younger. And since you don't know my age, there's no "irony" for you to observe.
So really you're just agreeing with me, and then bitching at my comment. How ironic.
I don't know about planning a future. however, I've sorta planned a future wedding with josh hartnett although I've never talked to him or met him(yet) in my entire life! lmao fyi: I'm not crazyO_o
anyways, exchanging emails for a few months? on myspace?! those online community people are weird-o's. xanga and its ish-crew are the exception though.
I think as a rule, women are more prone to becoming emotionally involved with people they talk to. This is not because they are needy for affection or something similar, it's just because that's how they ARE. On the very same hand, every person's reaction to such situations are completely and totally influenced by their past experiences with people.
So to sum it up, in my opinion, no, that is certainly not the way every woman percieves potential relationships with people, men and women alike. Life's not that black or white.
I tend to do that.
Although, I do take step back and evaluate.
hmm... it is kinda true that happens, i tend to do that without fully realizing. its actually really annoying =/
Not totally. If that were the case, I would be getting laid on every day that ends with the letter "Y". It is a good factor for both ends (how the hell you going to do anything together if nothing is being said), but again, it's not the end all, be all factor.
Women (street smart ones anyway) can easily discern bullshit from actual conversation; the good man from the yes man if you will.
I recall having spent almost a year doing the 'just talking' with a guy a few years back...it turns out a friend of mine told me I liked him and told me I should tell him....he responded in kind but, needless to say, it didn't work out at all considering we live halfway across the country from each other.
And that is completely different than how my current boyfriend and I got together...he goes to school in a different state than I do but his dad lives close to my school and when he was home for break we both noticed the sign and before long, he had asked me out and there was no amount of 'just talking' involved....