Thursday, 26 March 2009

• The One Thing Women Can't Resist

  
  

  
  Women find all different types of men attractive, and thank goodness because otherwise I'd never get any.
  
  Actually I still don't, but because women have varied tastes, at least I can cling to that glimmer of hope.  You read a lot of BS about how the key to her heart is humor—women love a man who can make them laugh—or that it's chocolate, or a sensitive guy who talks to them, who listens, who asks questions. 
  
  All of these things are great if you can swing them, but some of us can't cut it in a few of these categories (no names).  Plus, this is America, where we want the quick fix, not hard work. Luckily we can make up for these other shortcomings with one little trick of the face.  Yes, if there is one thing a woman cannot resist it's a moustache.
  
  Now there are a lot of women on this site, and some of them might try to deny their attraction to the 'stache, but good gosh do they secretly love it.  Mel Gibson told me as much, and we all know he's not crazy.  I understand not all of us can grow a moustache, so it's a bit of a conundrum, but trust me, even when you can grow one there is all the confusion of which type to grow.
  
  I know you're thinking it can't be that simple, but trust me, it is.  You know why?  Because the moustache is a metaphor for confidence, and women feckin' love confidence.  Yes, I just said feckin'.  Now I was a history major in college and it's time that was put to good use, so let's take a look at some of the great moustaches in history:
  
  

  
  

  
  Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States.  Teddy was a man's man, going on safari's outfitted by Abercrombie and Fitch before their main export switched over to teen sex.  And Teddy, Teddy was a Rough Rider before there was Ruff Ryders.
  
  

  
  

  
  Joseph Stalin aka "Gentle Joe."  There were a lot of prominent world leaders at this time that were rockin' the 'stache.  Not that anyone should aspire to be Stalin, but better than putting up a picture of old Adolf.  So these guys might not be role models in other aspects of life, but if you're just lookin' to get laid...
  
  

  
  

  
  Charlie Chaplin.  Yeah, that's right, have you ever seen Chaplin with Robert Downey Junior?  Depressing and wonderful and serious proof Chaplin had no trouble with the ladies.  Neither did/does Downey for that matter, and he frequently sports a 'stache.
  
  

  
  

  
   Dr. Phil?  Take a look, he can't believe he is on this list either, but he has to be.  Not only does Dr. Phil get laid and, trust me, I don't want to think about it, but millions of women out there take his advice.  When you are fat and are telling people how to lose weight, you have really hit the jackpot.  Ever wonder how old Phil does it?  Now you know.
  
  

  
  

  
  Steve Prefontaine.  As a longtime runner myself, there's no way I could leave the man better known as Pre off this list.  When non-runners have heard of a runner, we're talking bigtime.  Plus, my god was he ever a sexy beast.  His pimpness goes without saying as does his famous quote, "To touch anything less than her breasts is to sacrifice the tits."  Or something like that...
  
  Does the 'stache help get the ladies? If you had a 'stache of your own, what kind will it be? 
  
  

  Jeremy

  
  

  • 10:59 PM
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