Tuesday, 24 March 2009

  • Misunderstandings Can Sometimes Lead to Non-Consensual Hand Jobs




    All I've done for the last three months is moan about by shower.

    I haven't bothered eating or sleeping. I've just sat about whining about my stupid shower.  It hasn't been heating up, which has been a nightmare.

    Anyway, today, the University finally sent somebody to sort it out.

    So, around 11 a.m. there's a knock on my door.

    I'm still half asleep at this point, so I dragged my sorry ass from my bed to open the door, and there was a short smiling, ginger guy standing there with a tool belt.

    "Hello.”  I said.  Wondering 'WTF!’ since nobody had informed me that someone was coming around to sort out my pipes.  ;)

    Anyway, it turns out that this short smiling ginger guy is mute.  He can't talk!  So he communicates through lots of hand gestures and weird noises.

    Now imagine him trying to communicate, "I am here to replace your shower knob, which should allow you to get hot water!" through hand gestures and weird noises.  Exactly.

    IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS HERE TO OFFER ME A HANDJOB!!!

    There's nothing that can prepare you for when you open your door to find a man there making enthusiastic hand job actions, with a merry face.  I did not know what to say!!!  I just stared at him... terrified!!!

    I was thinking "He has GOT to be here to fix my shower... he MUST be here to fix my shower.  He can't possibly be here pedaling foreplay!  People don't peddle foreplay in England!"

    So I took a huge leap of faith, and let him in.

    I was quite thankful when he made straight for my bathroom.

    If he'd made straight for anything else, I'd have screamed.  I am far too young to be sexually assaulted by short smiling ginger men.

    Besides, I wasn't quite in the mood for a hand job.  I was happy with him just sorting out my shower knob, and not my own, thank you very much.

    So yes.  He fixed my shower.  Then buggered off.  He didn't attempt to put his hands down my pants or anything.  And now I have a lovely hot shower to look forward to later.  Life is divine!!

    But it so could have gone all wrong.

    What's been your most awkward misunderstanding?  And how did you rescue yourself from it?

    mancouch.com

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