Monday, 16 March 2009

• A Man's Guide: 16 Ways To Deal With A Break-Up

  1. Don't get mad, get MADDER.

  2. Get a pr0n site subscription.

  3. Erase any sign of Her (go through apartment with a fine tooth comb- no pictures, no hair, no left-over underwear or tampon, no toothbrush, no magazines, no chick-lit books, no assorted cards, no files in your computer-  you get the idea. Everything gets flushed down or thrown out. Wash all bedding (maybe twice).
  

  4. Avoid woe-is-me songs, and any songs that remind you of her, ban music SHE listened to. Put together a mixed CD of angry, eff-you songs. Play 24/7 for about 2-3 weeks. Apply as needed. The same goes for movies. Do not wallow in self-pity. Avoid writing bad poetry at all cost.
  

  5. Distract yourself- hang out with male friends- they will make sure to remind you you have a penis, and balls to go with it.

  6. Hook -up, if you can manage it. Stock up on condoms.

  7. Join a gym- you know you've become a fatty, what with all the domestic cuddling  and the heavy shopping and TV regimen she subjected you to. Regain your masculinity. Breath again. Spread those pecs, boy.

  8. No contact. I repeat, No Contact.  There are bridges, and then there are Bridges To Nowhere.

  9. Your mind will wander into forbidden territory, bring it back and away from those types of "memories".  Practice selective amnesia. Out of mind, out of mind. If there is no one to memorize, there is no memory to remember.

  10. Your mind will, when you're not paying attention, start wondering about what SHE is up to, and with who- STOP. This is emotional Zen, my friend. Don't let your mind get attached, become entangled. Everything has come, will come. Everything will go, as they are meant to. Be aware, but don't get snarled.

  11. Do new things. Do the opposite of what you've always done. Grow.

  12. Do old things, the old stuff you used to do and enjoy, before your personality and individuality (the stuff that got Her interested in you in the first place) was sucked up into the black hole vortex that was your so-called relationship.

  13. Don't pine for lost love, or happiness, or whatever. Focus on the bad things. Why you are glad SHE is not around anymore.  Remember the big and little annoyances. Remember the games, the pettiness, remember the lies. Refer to rule 1.

  14. Revel in your liberty. The world is your oyster. And oh man what a great big wet delicious oyster it is.

  15. You will miss the sex. Refer to rule 2, and rule 6. Maybe rule 7 and 5. Keep your hands and mind busy. Literally.

  16. After one full year, you may allow yourself to think about HER and the relationship. Until then, don't waste your brain capital. Don't unnecessarily pain yourself. After a year all you'll be left with is a mild unlocalized twinge, like the dull aching that old people get whenever  it rains.

  And hopefully in a year, you'll be with someone more secure,  funnier, hotter, and just  a little more stable. And knows how to clean up after themselves.

  Do you try to make yourself a better person after a break up? Or do you wallow in self-pity?
  
  mancouch.com
  

  • 1:17 PM
  • 3615 Views
  • 66 eProps
  • 35 Comments