Saturday, 14 March 2009
-
3 Reasons Why Watchmen Made Me Go WTF?
Like any macho dude on this site, watching 300 gives me wood. It's not so much the fact that I'm watching a bunch of sweaty buff dudes, but because the movie causes me to do 800 pushups, slaughter a couple thousand ancient Persians, and have sex in slow motion afterwards.
300 is like that time you went to the bar and you saw that really hot girl by herself in the corner. After talking awhile, she told you she was bisexual and that she brought six friends who have been saving themelves for the perfect Mancouch reader. You crammed all the ladies into your shaggin' wagon, drove home, and ruined every surface in your apartment.
Watchmen is the next morning when you woke up next to a half-dozen trannys and an eviction notice.
1) Coherence Is Cool.
Since there's an average of fifty three plot lines happening at once in this movie, Snyder decided to just let shit happen and assume that everyone has memorized the comics.
The basic plot goes like this:
There's this guy called the Comedian.
He's assassinated by someone who thinks he looks too much like Robert Downey Jr. Then, a bunch of shit happens. Then, there's a blue tiger with antlers, some pyramids, Mars, and an actor made to look like Nixon through the prosthetics of Playdough. Some more shit happens, and seven hours later, the movie ends in a auditory gangbang of crappy pop songs. I'm not saying this movie is long, just that I had a son when I walked out.
Speaking of, there's an "I'm your father" plot twist in there; because originality is entirely overrated.
2) Too Much Manbutt, Too Much Blue Dong.
I know the ladies have been clamoring for more male nudity on the big screen.
Personally, I prefer a boobie to dong ratio of 100:0, but Zack Snyder decided that certain shots of Dr. Manhattan called for the realistic dangling of electric-blue junk. I want people to understand that there is a person on this planet who had the job of creating animations that would realistically reflect the physics of a penis. It also looked, if I were actually looking, that this animator forgot to give him testicles; so, Dr. Manhattan is effectively driving a blue Lamborghini with no engine to power it.
Other important scenes, such as two characters randomly boning on a spaceship after dumping a barrel of water on a burning building, has an inordinate amount of manbutt. While this isn't entirely unexpected from the person that gave every man in 300 a ten pack, it was a little jarring since there's only like five bare breasts in the whole movie.
On a sidenote - why does Dr. Manhattan, who can destroy worlds using only his mind, need to look like he ate a GNC store and had a ten year session at the gym?
3) Not Enough Rorschach.
For me, this character was the movie. His voice is super deep - kinda like how Cristian Bale does that guttural Batman thing - only not atrocious.
When he took his mask off and looked like Danny Bonaduce, I got a little worried, but twenty minutes later, he flushed a midget down a toilet and was redeemed.
Meet Rorschach on the street and he might throw a dog at you and give you a makeover by means pickaxe; he is that upper level of badass.
In the end, I could have used less of the panzy with the winged helmet and erectile problems, or the blonde tool who was good, then bad, then douchey, then good, and seen more of Rorschach destroying everything like a modern day Hannibal.
Have you ever gone to see a movie and wondered what the heck was going on? Did you see Watchmen?
-
recommend
- recs 10
-
share
-
email
- sent 1
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to mancouch's Mancouch Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in mancouch's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (132)
To be perfectly honest, I don't really want to see an electric blue penis in any movie. I mean, maybe some people do, and it's probably in a porn somewhere ((rule 34)), but still...
I saw Watchmen and understood all of it perfectly. Then again, I also read the graphic novel. That helps.
Plus, Doctor Manhattan is like a GOD. If I were like a GOD, I'd let it all hang out, too.
I saw Watchmen. It sucked ass, haha.
I was actually REALLY excited to see it ... until I saw it. I didn't think that it would be that bad, it almost took me by surprise.
@Garistotle@xanga - That's exactly what I told my friends as well! If I was all powerful I wouldn't care my dong was swinging around like that haha.
Without Rorschach, this movie would have been pretty lame. The scene with the fryer in the jailhouse was epic.
But, all put together, it was alright.
@Garistotle@xanga - I havent read the comic, yet...but I still thought the movie was amazing....
Reading the graphic novel helps out alot (like for any geek movie) However when you complain about too much blue penis and not the pregent women getting shot at point blank you kinda have your proities messed up. Did I have a problem with anything? No cuz 1. I knew it was coiming. and 2. Nothing really bothers me anymore anyway. Most people I know that have a problem with this movie are not the brightest. They are like most "normies" that have no interest in thinking at all during a movie.
That movie sucked royal, like majestically, you know like it was ordained by destiny to suck... There was a lot that could have been down with the movie and as usual the director didn't pull through.
"He's assassinated by someone who thinks he looks too much like Robert Downey Jr. "
too funny, man.
@Bluekiller2025@xanga - what in the movie made you think?? I found it was too dull for me. I usually like intricate plots, which make you think. The only thing new about this was it presented a sort of anti hero, and that in and of itself is not really novelle considering will smiths movie.
i don't think it was a bad movie. It probably would have helped if I had read the comic, but it stood by itself and as far as american movies was pretty unique in a lot of ways, which I appreciate; often times there's very little diversity in american theatres...
you are a funny mofo. didn't see the movie. i heard it wasn't very good. too bad, cause the trailer looked great.
"He's assassinated by someone who thinks he looks too much like Robert Downey Jr. "
Haha that was great.
I think you have to have the right expectations going into the Watchmen. Actions scenes are not the point of the movie, though I thought Rorschach was the highlight. The point is character development and the psychology of war. What diverse personalities does being a vigilante attract? It goes beyond "do we do good or evil with our abilities in which good vs. evil is well defined (X-men vs. Brotherhood, Superman vs. Luther, etc.)?" but "how does power change who we are?" As supposedly good people, how do we end up doing terrible things? Does the end justify the means? What drives war? What is needed for peace? What are we willing to sacrifice? And the moral ambiguity behind it all.
I thought the music was generally great besides the sex scene. This is a cultural film. The graphic novel was written in the 80's (85?86?) when the Soviets were actually fighting Afghanistan. The music was part of that culture, Simon & Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, etc. Watchmen may not be as unique in terms of moral ambiguity as other films as the Dark Knight not because Watchmen is not unique in itself, but it took so long to make that by the time it's made, other superhero films had already explored the issues. That being said, I still think it's a unique film.
Personally I think the blue penis is exaggerated. I heard a bit about it, and noticed it only once. So what? Of all the terrible things that happened in the movie you complain about a blue penis? Though people compare it to 300 because of Snyder, V for Vendetta may be a better comparison (both Alan Moore). They both make a political statement and though both have action scenes, they are not the point, unlike 300. Watchmen and V for Vendetta is much more intelligent than that, no matter how superbly or poorly adapted they are.
I haven't read the graphic novel and I understood it completely, and I enjoyed it.
Oh well, everyone's different.
The purpose of the movie was to make you question the very idea of superheroes in the first place and think who is truly evil and good.
i thought it was simply amazing. having read the graphic novel, it was almost exactly how i expected it and how i wanted it. it left out some unimportant details from the novel such as the origins of rorschach's mask, the black freighter, the death of hollis mason, etc. but it was nonessential seeing as the movie was already pretty long with all of the necessary storyline intact.
i cant stand it when ppl use the term graphic novel. like really ppl, its a freaken COMIC-BOOK series. just cuz it only ran for 12-issues and has an ending doesnt make it any less of a comic-book.
and no, i havnt seen it yet. but i will soon. =D
I watched it, and I haven't read the graphic novel, but after the first flashback everything kinda slipped into place and I understood it perfectly ... though I agree, not enough Rorschach and to much blond emo guy =] hahaha, and not enough Comedian either ...
That said, I thought it was an amazing movie ... I just don't know whether I actually liked it or not =P
~ Ej
didnt read the graphic novel but i understood it and loved it wholly
im guessing the OP didnt read it either because Dr. Manhattan is supposed to be naked throughout...and hes super cool so who cares?
male nudity = yay....also i loved nite owl ii
@AzNcOkEdRiNkEr@xanga -
when did this 'graphic novel' shiz start? ive always known them to be called comics...whats wrong with comics????!lmao
I actually really enjoyed the movie but you make some good points :]
@Slimmacho@xanga - Instead of arguing with you because you've already made up your mind about the movie why don't you just read Liike28@xanga comment instead. This isn't just a simple anti hero movie. Its deep in human psychology.
Also we call it a graphic novel because it had a set begining, middle, and end. They also combined it all together. Unlike comic books that keep on going and going. So you can either call this a comic or a graphic novel. It's not like we hate calling it a comic either.
nope, didn't see yet. some people say it sucks others say its great. who's advice do you take?
Haha I saw watchmen. That was totally a porn scene.
I missed Rorschach after he .... left....