Tuesday, 03 March 2009
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If a Man Couch Were Really Invented
By 9 p.m. tonight, I will be reclined on my couch and getting owned by twelve year-olds in Halo 3. But in the future, I could be doing so much more.
NASA, LazyBoy, Budweiser, and Microsoft have paired together to create the world's first Man Couch.
Made of 100% Brontosaurus leather, the first model Man Couch features exquisite design and incredible manliness.
Steak dispensers are built into the base of the couch and allow you to choose how you want yours cooked; Rare or Cow.
A beer helmet built into the back of the couch simultaneously alternates between beer and protein shakes.
Each armrest is carved to look like the emo singers that your friends listen to; after all, they put their heart on their sleeves so that you can put your armpits on their face.
A computer in the right armrest will give you access to Craigslist for your nightly needs, and MapQuest for how to get there. Should you access the MapQuest function, you will be ejected 75 feet into the air from a spring loaded into the seat. Real men don't need directions.
Man, those kids in Halo wouldn't stand a chance if I had that couch.
What features would you want your man couch to have?
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About the Author
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- From: goldenj2384
- Name: justin
- About Me: I'm a writer, I'm a guitarist, I'm a boyfriend, a brother, and a son. That order changes daily. I play guitar and write lyrics for Escape the Skyline and now I'm a writer for Mancouch.
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Comments (26)
ROFL What? Haha.
My man couch would include a naked man of my choice that I may violate in any manner that I wish.
@happy_mia@xanga - I like this idea.
happy_mia@xanga - i think that feature got cut in the design stage
So um, who can I go to in order to invest in this product?
Wow, quite the invention... I think that is pretty awesome but i'd want mine to come with a manicure and pedicure appliance so my nails would be done. [=
mine wud nedda a mantoy to do my bidding preferably with plenty of muscle anna hairy chest hahahahahahaha oh & large feet too hahahahahahaha
@goldenj2384 - Damn! Maybe next round.
an ejector seat....bad company? annoying wife? *press button....eject!* no worries! lol.
This is Hilarious!
can i get this? i would have no reason to get up. all that's left out is a set of tires on the bottom and automated driving to take me wherever i want!!
@happy_mia@xanga - Sounds good to me!!
Just a couch. Any couch would be nice right about now.
haahhahaaa
how about a toliet?... I mean why should I have to get up w/ everything I need right there?
@happy_mia@xanga - ahaa that would have been nice.
Or maybe an actual couch made out of good looking men? Get to sit on them alllll day.
Does it dispense delicious dominos too? T_T
Those logos have my hungry!
HAHAH, 75 feet? How about you find a general direction in which the place is located, and have a 10 second countdown while you position yourself to face that area? =D That means 75 feet closer to your destination. Yeahh.
And a food dispenser would be nice. =]
sahweet ! that'd pretty much be my couch. i wouldn't really add anything else to it, except this: I demand that my couch has a 'Fortress' mode. you never know what can happen. i'll just figure out what i need it for later...
cool, the fridge could be more centered tho {in my humble opinion} great job when will it be available?
even though i aint a dude, the manly chick within would love a couch like this:
i will call it a chick-dude couch
it would be as comfy as a man chair, but bigger.
functions:
refrigerated compartments in the armrests containing Monster Energy and Corona.
Compartments containing BBQ wavy lays and reeses pieces.
massage function, surround speakers, and by god it better have a universal remote for the 70 inch screen i'm watching 6 football games on! also a laptop with fantasy football stat tracker to watch my player performance.
@Doubtroub469@xanga -
thereby destroying any manliness of the man couch. manicure does not mean manly. LOL
A man couch looks like the ones out on the curb for garbage pick-up: stuffed with change, candy, leftover pizza, patched with duct tape except for a strategically placed hole in one of the cushions.
That ridiculousness of a clean leather couch with lcd screens and stocked food dispensers and business logos without naked lady silhouettes is out of the television. It's like those guys in chick flicks: they appear appealing, but in actuallity, the practicality of less astheticly pleasing functional model trumps a high maintainence model with cumbersome features.
Don't forget a cushy little mat to kneel on, for the sake of that naughty woman in the unseemly version of the ManCouch logo!
I think as long as it's comfy and dispenses food, I'd be good. The steak is a good idea. Mmm, steak...
it should have a flame thrower.... you never know when you need one, until you need one.