There is a relationship advice forum that I frequent. Since joining the site, I've discovered that many women have issues with their men watching pr0n. Threads with titles such as these come up quite often:- She doesn't trust me since I lied about watching pr0n. How can I make it right?
- Boyfriend's pr0n makes me feel betrayed
- Is he looking and signing up at pr0n websites? Please help!!!
- My fiance lies to me about watching pr0n!
- He prefers Asian pr0n better than having actual sex and I'm sooooo frustrated!!!
- My boyfriend watches pr0n whenever I leave the house. Help!
- My boyfriend lied to me about his pr0n. How can I trust him now?
- Should I forgive my boyfriend for watching pr0n?
- He still looked at pr0n after we had sex. Is he addicted or something because he said that when we don't have sex he is horny and needs pr0n, but we did have sex.
..and many more.
Then you'd see swamps of replies from women who too feel that they have been victimized by their boyfriends' pr0n watching habit. They would go on about how they feel betrayed upon discovering pr0n videos in their boyfriends' computers, how they are deeply hurt by the thought of their men fantasizing and pleasuring themselves to other women.
They don't understand why and feel disgusted that their boyfriends would watch something that degrades and objectifies women. They feel almost cheated on. Most men, on the other hand, feel justified and simply blame the women for being insecure and controlling.
What surprises me is not that so many women have issues with pr0n, but the fact that some men actually feel guilty, agree to play along and go to great lengths to lie and hide their pr0n stash from their girlfriends, as if they really are committing adultery.
I'm not sure where I stand on this issue. I would be lying if I say I am against pr0n because that would make me a hypocrite. I would also be lying if I say I am completely one hundred percent perfectly okay and happy with my man fantasizing about women with the perfect boobs and ass. However, I feel that it is not an issue big enough to cry rivers of tears over and to threaten to end relationships over it, like other women have done.
I see where these women are coming from, though. According to
wiki, pr0n "eroticizes the domination, humiliation, and coercion of women," and contributes to the male-centered objectification of women. It does poison the mind to an extent.
Some researchers even say that pr0n fuels men to rape and to sexually harass. But in the context of a relationship, I feel that as long as the men don't obsess over it, as long as they prefer you over their computer screens and their palms, and as long as they can separate fantasy from reality and not have unrealistic expectations for their women to perform what the pr0nstars do on their job, then I don't really see a problem with it.
One time I said to someone that it is not natural in biological design for a girl (or guy) to take it up the butt. His reply to me was that it is normal and common for European and North American women to take it up the butt. What he really meant and should have said is that it is a common practice for some pr0n stars to take it up the butt because they get paid good money for doing so.
This is an example of confusing fantasy with reality, and imposing unrealistic expectations on real women. (Or could it be that I'm too prudish and outdated for this supposed new trend in bed?)
On the flip side, studies have found that men who had fewer orgasms were twice as likely to die of any cause as those having two or more orgasms a week. This could be a new defense for you men the next time your girlfriends question and interrogate you on your habit of guilty pleasures.
Is insecurity really the root cause for why so many women are against pr0n? Guys, would you stop watching pr0n if your significant other demands you to?mancouch.com
Comments (70)
asian p0rn?
p0rn is divided up by race too?I would just not watch p0rn O_O
I'm against it because I really feel like I'm being compared to a pr0nstar, and I'm not good enough. At least that's how I felt when my boyfriend admitted to watching it since we've been together. I lost any shred of self-confidence that I had.
I'm perfectly fine with porn. I watch it at times, and I wouldn't care if I had a boyfriend who did the same. And honestly, when it comes to comparison between a guy I know and a pornstar, the pornstar always comes up lacking. I wouldn't find it insulting if I was dating a guy who still watched porn when we were apart even if we were having sex. I'm a very sexual person, so I see nothing wrong with taking care of business. If I can do it, why shouldn't he?
Im actually a huge fan of this adult industry and I think that it can help relationships. Pr0n can spice things up for couples in the bedroom and make the women or the man feel a sense of sexual power. Sex is a healthy natural practice! I let my man watch it, and he always lets me know that I am wanted, loved, trusted and of course irresistibly sexy.
I've had gf's that like to watch pr0n as much or more than me. If my gf asked me not to watch it, I would accept that. It doesn't mean that I rely on my right hand once in a while if she didn't want to have sex as often as I.
I don't give a fuck if my boyfriend watches porn.
I know he prefers me, and I'm not insecure about it.
That being said, is there some reason we can't just say "porn?" This is a huge pet peeve of mine. Wtf is up with the pr0n stuff?
i like porn.
i'm a girl.
When I'm not interested or not available for long stretches of time, I can accept (even though I don't like) the fact that he watches porn.
I can NOT accept the fact that he watched porn while we were living together. I wanted sex much more often than he did, and he decided that he needed to sneak around about it, and so forth, so that EVERY time I left or took a shower or went to sleep, he was watching it. I would have been much happier if he would have (1) come to ME with his desires, since I was NEVER not in the mood, and (2) not tried to hide it.
Why would it be a problem. You aren't doing anything with those women, and they are well paid and agree to it, so... why care?
@hexogen@xanga - haha...every time I see "pr0n", I keep wanting to say "prawn", and then I think of seafood...
I like watching porn. I don't' mind if boyfriend watches porn, as long as he shares it with me and doesn't hog all the good stuff for himself. That being said, I do agree with @la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga in that it becomes a problem if he starts preferring porn over you all the time.
Oddly enough, I've never felt threatened by a porn star. Maybe boyfriend and I just watch really bad porn, because the actresses in there are never that pretty!
If a man is satisfied with what he has, why would he need prOn? When a man spends more time on line, watching porn, than he does with his SO, it's a problem. When he expects his SO to dress, act, take it like the porn actresses, it's a problem. And if he feels he's doing something that he has to hide, he probably shouldn't be doing it.
The more porn a guy watches.. the less intimate the sex will be.
Too high expectations + too much time masturbating to porn = IMPOTENCE
lol.. i feel bad for guys who are addicted to porn and the girls who have to deal with it.
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - Me too!
I agree. They aren't that attractive and anyone can tell they don't really enjoy it.
@ninnatay@xanga - If all of those factors are true, I'd venture to assume that the porn watching bit might just be the tip of the iceburg on the problems that man has, and is certainly not the root of them.
um i guess the reason why i'd be forgiving if my bf watched a lot of porn would be because i'm not that insecure about it. i'll admit, it does bother me a little, but i can understand in some cases why he'd want to. (he's going to be on the boat of 6 months.) if we were going to be married then i'd really start to get bothered by it because i believe we should be focused on one another.
and what's this hype about taking it up the butt? what's the big deal?
I'm comfortable enough with myself and my relationship to be fine with my boyfriend watching porn. Not to mention that he's told me he never even considers comparisons when he's watching porn. I'm ina completely separate category in his head and he's constantly telling me how perfect every part of my body is.
Anyway, I watch it a lot too.
unless he is watching animal porn or kiddie porn, i do not care.
that's bullshit, certain types of porn also shows domination and humiliation of men
I wouldn't have a problem if my boyfriend watched porn. However, I would make fun of/tease him frequently. But that's love baby !
I'm a girl:
I watch porn on occasion but I mainly stick to hentai and I would personally would not care if my boyfriend watched hentai too in fact I would probably be happy because that would be one more thing we have in common.
In my first relationship my boyfriend and i would share hentai and would send each other links of awesome hentai goodness.
But I guess this is on the topic of porn.
As a woman I guess the reason would be that I am not at all threatened by porn is because I am a sexual creature and love sex so I understand what guys go through. When I look at porn I never think to myself "I wish my boyfriend looked like that" or "I wish I could fuck a guy like that" it's not like that at all. If I see something that turns me on a lot like a position or something kinky I'd like to try it out with my boyfriend.
Another thing I would never in a million fucking years prefer to watch hentai or porn to making sweet sweet love to my boyfriend.
I guess I'm different than most women because I am open about my sexuality and am not offended by erotic things :]
when i was younger, it bothered me when my bf watched porn b/c it made me feel inadequate. like there was something i couldn't give him. like i was missing something.
now i know better. i've also learned that watching it together can be fun...
Due to the fact that "pr0n" is used, I couldn't even read this.
Leet speak is only funny when used once. Not throughout an entire entry.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - The more porn a guy watches.. the less intimate the sex will be.
To a point that is correct. If the only thing a guy can think about after/while banging his girlfriend is some porn star, he definitely has a problem. But there is no formula that says "x" hours of porn is where the intimacy falls out of ones sex life. So the "x" could be a small number and have the same or greater effect as someone with a much higher number. Speaking from experience avid porn usage had no affect on the intimacy of my sex life. I can provide references to attest to this fact and a documentation of my internet history if it comes to it.
Insecurity is the main reason I have encountered. "Oh but I don't look like her..." Blah Blah. Yah and I look nothing like (insert girls famous crush that she fantasizes about when she's double clicking the mouse). There is no debate as to whether some guys have an addiction to porn. If porn is used as a tool to masturbate and educational purposes, there are very minimal side effects.
Would I stop? In the past I did...well for the most part. Now, fuck it. Time is way too short to waste time with someone who doesn't accept you as a whole package.
I know you made an effort to maintain an open-minded approach but you do come across as prude.
Girls and guys who watch it together are likely to end up shagging. Girls who reject it probably won't be able to convince their men to stop watching on the sly.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - escapism.
But honestly, if you're not never in the mood,(double negative) why watch it?
And the answer is: escapism.
Or you could go with Vonnegut's theory: "one person isn't enough."
I myself don't like all the other "niches" or genres of porn, its not about dominating women or doing crazy stuff to them. Porn to me, is about sexy beautiful women, that just so happen to be nude.
And if all women hated porn, then there would be no porn. So if women hated it that much, then they would just not do it.