Wednesday, 25 February 2009
-
Top 3 Reasons Why "Mamma Mia" Causes Shrinkage
So, I'm in the process of letting my girlfriend sensitize me. It started out with watching "The Notebook," which is kind of like learning to be a firefighter by grabbing a hose and jumping into a volcano.This experience mentally prepared me for the bon-bons, the theatre productions, the videos of hamsters on pianos, and the glittery vampires that were to follow. Then it ended with the movie "Teeth," a heartfelt tale about a girl who has teeth in her vagina. Teeth. In her vagina. She has to go to a dentist...for her vagina.
But nothing could have prepared me for the estrogen avalanche that is "Mamma Mia."Top 3 Reasons Why "Mamma Mia" Causes Shrinkage.
We all know that shit happens. Sometimes, it happens when you're walking to work and a bird makes a deposit on your head.
Sometimes, it happens when you turn on the TV and you see Joan River's face. But sometimes, in the worst of times, it happens when you used to be James effin Bond and now you sing show tunes.
Try and tell me that picture doesn't make your loins hurt.
Okay, this guy's name is the buffest thing I've seen all day.
I picture a viking that wears a shoulder mantle made of heads and carries a spear that's made out of a woolly mammoth spine with a bald eagle head on the end of it (for the sole purpose of making the weapon useless to give his enemies a chance). This dude definitely rides a velociraptor to work. He eats unicorns is what I'm trying to say here.
But no, he likes foursomes with three other dudes.
3) That Butch Chick From "Grease"
Who can forget the movie about leather jackets and John Travolta's butt-chin? Who can forget Rizzo, the forty-eight year old high school student whose superpower is immediate emasculation? I can't and I wish I could.
Every time she came on screen in "Mamma Mia," I expected her to slap Pierce Brosnan around and tell him to make her a sandwich. If she's watching the game and wants a beer, you better damn well bring her that Budweiser.
Bottom line - If you have to be sensitized, see The Vagina Monologues, I think it's about vaginas that talk to themselves.
Has your girlfriend tried to sensitize you yet? If so, what movie did she use?
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to mancouch's Mancouch Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in mancouch's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: goldenj2384
- Name: justin
- About Me: I'm a writer, I'm a guitarist, I'm a boyfriend, a brother, and a son. That order changes daily. I play guitar and write lyrics for Escape the Skyline and now I'm a writer for Mancouch.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 19 Views: 0 57523 Comments: 0 1013 View all posts by goldenj2384
Comments (22)
i never do chick flicks. ever.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha mama mia suks
azza gay man im embaresd for abba
lmao. the vagina monologues are are NOT about vaginas talking to themselves!
she made you watch teeth? my boyfriend watched that with me, hahah.
asfsfasdfa WOW that is some major shrinkage indeed. i never saw the movie but that 4-some might induce cringing and/or barfing as well.
Can i has Penis Monologues?
nah i was actually interested in seeing Teeth. im still trying to figure out why
I feel bad for you... and, I feel the need to apologize. I'm a woman, and I understand the desire to sensitize a boyfriend... but, what your girlfriend is putting you through can be likened to castration brought on by "emotion"... I don't understand some women. I like guys who are rough around the edges, I want them to have guys' nights and to come back to me all macho because that's hot. And, I saw Mama Mia and it was painful to watch and I'm a girl! The acting was fiercely bad, the singing was painful in some cases and it made me want to induce vommitting because that would have been far more pleasent and productive than wasting my time on that movie. So, I'm sorry that your girlfriend feels the need to traumatize you into submission and sensitivity... it's wrong and I feel bad for men who have to go through this form of punishment. I'm sorry.
lol she didnt force me, it was all willful as evidenced by the first sentence "letter her sensitize me." i knew i'd end up writing about it afterwards anyway, so im glad i did it.
the point of my post was to bash the movie, not my girlfriend. i have nothing against her or women in general.
some people complain and whine about their experiences, i turn it into humor.
oh god get over yourself
watching a musical does not take away from your manliness what a cliche
I'd rather do the chick from Teeth before watching Mamma Mia. I think for making you watch this shit you should at least be able to bring her to a couple Saw or Friday 13th movies. It's only fair.
or make her watch me play halo for hours
Oh man, this had me rolling. Just watching the commercials for this estrogen filled trash makes my voice go up a few octaves.
Those are not "chick flicks" those are qualified as "craptastic wastes of time". Gah I saw the preview for Mamma Mia on a DVD and i was like what. the. fuck.
the movie is gay.
the broadway production was magical.
I refuse to see that movie, mostly because it sounded like it was about a 50 year old slut. And 50 year old sluts are gross.
I usually watch chick flicks by myself, because I'm prone to crying even if I'm not that emotionally touched by stuff (I know, I'm ashamed of it). I want to see "He's just not that into you" but I still have to get around to it... my boyfriend said he'd bring me (it's a belated valentine's day present kinda thing, though).
it is in fact about a 50 year old slut PLUS her slutty friends. shit, i should have made more of a point to mention that too
fifty year old slut in overalls, bro
are you SURE that its rizzo in this movie?
Mamma Mia was a horrible movie, my goodness. Wanted to shoot myself before the first ten minutes were up. And wtf, teeth in vagina? Who thought up of this?
I liked the Notebook though, although it's a movie I would prefer to watch by myself.
I'm a girl BY THE WAY (:
randomorganizedchaos - its def some other actress but they're the same to me. i still refer to the lead actress in grey's anatomy as renee zellweger too.
"Bottom line - If you have to be sensitized, see The Vagina Monologues, I think it's about vaginas that talk to themselves."
Best. Line. Ever.