If you are a football fan or not, chances are you have been to a Super Bowl party once or twice in your lifetime. Most people are there to watch the game, have some food and socialize.
For some people, this is their opportunity to demonstrate just how annoying they can be.
So here are the 10 most annoying people you will meet at a Super Bowl party.
The “This Party Sucks Compared to the One Two Years Ago” Guy – This douchebag has seen it all and more than likely hosted the biggest Super Bowl bash in all of history. He’ll constantly drone on and on how much more fun this other Super Bowl party he went to a few years ago had way hotter girls, a buffet table as long as a football field, flat screens in the bathrooms, the marching band from the local college and a midget tending bar.
No matter how much fun this
Super Bowl party is, he has seen better. He will top any experience bar none. The only way to compete with this guy is to see how far he will go to continue his charade. Make mention of how one year you were at a Super Bowl party were the Lingerie Bowl was played in their backyard while the Village People performed YMCA in the garage. See where he takes it from there.
The Health Nut – Normally a woman who is a kick boxing instructor three times a week, she will bring the highest fiber, lo cal and subsequently most awful tasting dip. She munches on celery sticks and fresh fruits while expounding on the virtues of buying organic and choosing to go vegan.
Don’t you dare let her catch you loading up your plate with another helping of chili cheese nachos unless you want to hear how many pounds of undigested animal flesh is currently clinging to your colon like spackle. Her argument is so convincing you’ll develop more of a complex than when your mom “caught you” back in junior high.
The Super Bowl Stats Super Geek – Did you know that until the
St. Louis Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV that no team that played their home games in a dome had ever won a Super Bowl? Before Tom Brady won Super Bowl XXXVI, Bob Griese was the only Big Ten QB to start and win a Super Bowl? And you are telling me these things why?
To show me you have memorized the Super Bowl almanac? Or to prove to me you are 37, still live in your mother’s basement, watch a lot of Star Trek reruns and have yet to kiss a girl?
The Kicker Hater Girl – This gal is normally unrecognizable until one of the kickers misses a 54 yard field goal attempt. Then the commentary comes out. She thinks being a kicker in the
NFL is the easiest job in the world. After all, all they have to do is make kicks, right?
I mean, he gets paid millions of dollars and all he has to do is kick the ball. How hard is that if all you have to do all day is kick a ball? Like I am so sure. If all I had to do was one thing for my job I would never do it wrong. Sorry Kicker Hater but it is a lot harder than it looks. Just ask Scott Norwood.
The Obsessed Part-Time Gambler – This guy hardly bets on
NFL games but apparently faced with the last game of the season believes he needs to bet crazy seven item parlays. He will eagerly announce to everyone how much money he can win so long as the coin flip comes up tails, Hines Ward is the first to score a touchdown and Arizona needs to intercept three passes by halftime.
With each incompletion or fumble out of bounds, he claps loudly and feels compelled to tell everyone that he is still alive in three of his parlays. Sadly, for all his energy and enthusiasm, he didn’t have the balls to lay more than 20 bucks on each card.
The Full of Excuses Homer – This guy shows up wearing the jersey of his favorite team, and it is never either team playing in the Super Bowl. He takes every opportunity to explain why HIS team is not playing today. Had the refs not blown that call in week 7 against the Ravens, that would have totally set his team up for a run to the postseason.
Instead it was a momentum killer and the team’s psyche never recovered. Despite his team logging a 3-13 record and locking down the fourth overall draft pick, this guy will defend his team all afternoon. He honestly thinks they could be playing in the Super Bowl had a few breaks gone their way. Riiiiight.
The Band Wagoner – This is the guy that claims to be the biggest fan of one of the Super Bowl participants. Sadly he couldn’t name the starting wide receivers of either team when the playoffs started. He is an easy mark because even though he claims to being a fan “for years”, his jersey is brand new and has never been washed. This guy is easily embarrassed when a true fan of the same team asks him simple questions about the team in which he can not come up with an answer.
The “Oblivious There is a Game Going On” Girl – Normally the girlfriend of one of your work friends, she was dragged along to this and has no interest in the game whatsoever. She will wander from room to room, walking in front of the TV at the most inappropriate times and will try to strike up conversations at crucial portions of the game.
She’ll normally whine and complain that the game is dragging on and on and roll her eyes and let out huge sighs anytime there is a stop in the action. She really doesn’t want to be there and makes it abundantly clear to everyone she is putting up with this day because her boyfriend made her come. Normally the boyfriend puts up with this behavior because she is typically hotter than molten lava.
The Gambling Squares Pusher – This guy is full of more peer pressure than a 10th grader passing a joint to a seventh grader. He is relentless in getting you to commit to not only buying four squares in one pool but a few more squares in the lower stakes pool. Getting off the phone with a collections agent is easier than getting away from this guy.
To add to his annoyance he takes it upon himself to inform everyone what they need in order for their square to hit. “You’ll need the
Steelers to block this punt and return it for a touchdown and go for the two-point conversion for you to win the 3rd quarter”. Thanks dude. Thanks for the info.
The “We Couldn’t Get a Sitter” Parents – Arriving with a full complement of baby toys, diaper bags and portable playpens, these annoying Super Bowl party guests walk around with a little kid dangling from the front of their chest. The overprotective mom will hover over the toddler armed with a bottle of instant hand sanitizer all while complaining how this house really should have child-proof locks on their cabinets.
Dad will proclaim that Junior will some day grow up to be a pro football player based on the fact he is in the 90th percentile for weight. Sorry to break the news to you but childhood obesity does not translate into a huge signing bonus. It normally is an early indicator of juvenile diabetes. Please, leave the kids at home because Obsessed Part-Time Gambler guy needs to drop an F-bomb every time one of his parlays busts.
Have you ever come across any of these people when you were at a Super Bowl Party? What about yourself, do you fit into any of those groups?
This was originally published on tailgatingideas. Written by Dave.
mancouch.com
Comments (121)
maybe it's cause i'm still drunk from last night, but this post made me LOL.
Super Bowl? Who's pitching?
haha i liked this
things to keep in mind for sunday
The douches who rolls up with the babies in tow...jeebus I hate them. What makes it worse it when you burp, cuss and fart the mother of the child looks at you disapprovingly. Make me wanna see how far I can punt a baby carriage.
this is hilarious! and true... but i am definitely The “Oblivious There is a Game Going On” Girl even though im a guy
This post is good, but even better is the pic. Why is she sitting like that? Forget about the skirt? Or, just one too many beers...
HAHHAHA!!
my brothers are eagles fans so they are the "full of excuses homer" and oh geesh my mother is sort of the "oblivious there is a game going on girl"
this post cracked me up. :)
thank you for this. :p
haha hilarious. CARDS FTW!
As a girl who loves sports....I hate the The “Oblivious There is a Game Going On” Girl
She makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.
I have to say I've been the kicker hater even though I'm a guy and play sports. It's just a natural reaction when they miss it.
I've also been the part time gambler ahah
Great post Mancouch. LOL at the clueless girl description.
I have never been to a Superbowl party, on too late here because of the time difference.
LOL this is hilarious!! i hope i dont fall under these categories.. lol well half of them i KNOW i dont.. but i do dislike the oblivious girl one.. Cause i know if you ARE interested in the game there is nothing more irritating than someone bitching and complaining about it!!
I'm more of the, "Wait! What just happened? Can someone explain the play to me?" kind of girl. I'm not familiar enough with football to understand it and I enjoy watching the commercials. I cheer when everyone else cheers and like watching the players from behind.
I'll purposefully walk in front of the TV if someone's being an ass. Otherwise I'll find myself mysteriously sucked into a game I don't know much about.
And I'll eat whatever the heck kind of artery-clogging, stomach-churning snacks are out.
The “We Couldn’t Get a Sitter” Parents – Arriving with a full complement of baby toys, diaper bags and portable playpens, these annoying Super Bowl party guests walk around with a little kid dangling from the front of their chest
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last year, this "friend" of ours brought his girlfriend and their 1 year old. Needless to say, almost everyone got drooled on (the parents too busy to watch the game to take care of the kid, as well as they just were tired of it, kind of a bitch how unplanned pregnancy goes...) and we were all ready to drop the kid off the roof for the inappropriately timed screaming, crying, cooing, yelling, and smashing of food.
i hope i dont see any of these this sunday.
I'm the girl who's sitting in the corner reading a book and who will get up and walk outside to find somewhere quieter to read when people start cheering. I also know nothing about football or sports in general, but I know better than to interrupt... o_O
The only one I come closest to is Super Bowl Stats Geek, but that's primarily due to long hours of SportsCenter and having ESPN.com as my home page.
Super Bowl parties however are just my warm-up event. The real noise comes in spring....when the NHL playoffs begin. Then we see the real trash talking, stats-dropping, angry "cursing at the TV," sports fan come out of me.
And I hate when people walk in front of the TV. It always happens at the most inopportune times as well: the kicker is about to nail a 37-yarder for the game winner or the quarterback breaks the sack and throws for the touchdown or the cornerback snatches the ball from the wide receiver. Someone ALWAYS has to walk in front of the TV then.
The only more egregious way to do this is to do it live at an actual sporting event. I have seen people get heckled, insulted, even had stuff thrown at them for standing up during key plays and blocking other peoples' views.
hahahaha. i know all of these people!
I'm none of them. I think I'm in a new category of my own >>the "excited puppy" aka "incessant snacker/overly-enthusiastic cheerleader/never- want- the- party- to- end-person. "
@your_invisible_fantasy@xanga - yeah, i'm her too at times. to this daythere is always at least 5 times per game where i don't know why a call was made or am confused.
Hahahaha :)
Hilarious entry, only because of how true it is
that's good to hear!!
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