Sunday, 25 January 2009

  • A Few Things You Should Never Say Or Do To Your Woman


     

    Alright boys, ahem, men, Casmarie and I were talking tonight on AIM and we felt it might be necessary to let you all in on a few things you should NEVER SAY OR DO TO YOUR WOMAN...

    1.  If you are "just talking" and you are ever presented with the situation where she has another guy attempting to make advancements, NEVER say, "Go for it."  You may find that she will in fact "go for it"...I mean, after all, we women aim to please, no?

    2.  "Babe, why don't you get an outfit like the one shes wearing?"  **looks at size 0, very fit, 17 year old model**  Your woman is thinking...and may even say, "Because I WOULD NOT look good in a butt cheek mini with fish nets and hooker heel thigh highs...that is why...jerk."

    3.  Never say, "I always wanted to be a bed tester."  Her reply?  "The only bed you'll be testing is your mama's since you're still living in her basement."

    4.  It's 6 a.m., she rolls over to give you a kiss.  You call her "dragon breath".  This WILL cause a chain reaction and likely weeks of sarcasm on her part.  I mean, you did, after all, imply the fire.

    5.  Do not randomly grab her boobs.  If you need some milk, it's in the fridge.

    6.  It's the 26th of January and she's eating a Taco Bell Burritto.  Your comments on her New Years Resolution will not be necessary...unless you really like Burrittos, in the wazoo. 

    7.  "Woman, you know your role!" 

         "You're right, man, I do.  Now how's 'bout you put down the remote, take out the trash and mow the lawn."

    8.  "Your mom/sister/best friend/grandma is hot.  I'd do her."  I don't even know how to respond to this one...just...prepare to die.

    9.  After she has worked herself silly to lose 90 pounds, DO NOT say, "I miss your old boobs."  Because, you may later wake up to Lorena Bobbit and be missing a little somethin' somethin' too.

    10.  When it comes to disciplining the children and you are dealing with a stay at home mom, do not, under any circumstances tell her that she does not discipline well.  Unless, of course, you wish to feel the wrath of a woman.

    11.  Unless you have a direct request for workout equipment, don't buy it for her.  The things that have been implied, no matter how good your intentions, are enough that she may very well turn you into a human treadmill.

    12.  "Is it that time of the month?"  If it wasn't, it is now...there will be blood.

    13.  The Dutch Oven:  Unless you have purchased a new oven for our newly renovated kitchen...steer clear of this "dutch oven".  Despite the fact that we slaved on your dinner and you appreciate it, we do NOT need you to let us smell the evidence of you clearing your plate.  Furthermore, we do NOT want to be trapped under the covers with your nasty aroma.  We, also, would prefer you open the window of the car when you've sprung a gas leak.  As musicmom says, "we're not your little brother". 

    Now then....

    "In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman."

    - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    What say you? Did we leave something off?  Men...It may be best that you only mention the undying beauty of us women.

    mancouch.com

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