Tuesday, 20 January 2009
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Girls' Night Out: The Ultimate Double Standard
Guest blog by manishmathur
My friend Shannon received an invitation to an early screening of Isla Fisher's ("Wedding Crashers") newest comedy "Confessions of a Shopaholic."
Yeah, I know that not too many guys are excited about "Shopaholic" but to close off a screening to all guys is just sexist. Why? Because if an action movie had a "boys only" screening, girls would be infuriated.
The whole idea of a "guys' night" is a hot topic in relationships. So many times I've heard my female friends/cousins complain that their boyfriends are out with the boys, instead of spending time with them.
Then they'd start planning a night out with the ladies. What I don't understand is: what's the difference? Male bonding usually includes a sporting event and drinking. Girl bonding is done differently.
But do you ever hear a guy complain that his girlfriend is out with her best friends? I never did.
I'll be the first to admit that there are a lot of double standards against women (the glass ceiling, sexually liberated women being called sluts for example) but I think these double standards are trumped by the fact that many women (I'm not saying all women, just some) don't want their significant others to just spend time with old friends, while doing the same thing themselves. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
Is there a double standard when women have girls night out, but don't want their man to do the same?
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About the Author
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- From: manishmathur@datingish
- Name: manishmathur
- About Me: I like to read, write, listen to music, watch movies/tv and shop.
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Comments (48)
Def. a double standard. It's just because girls think a room full of guys = trouble. It's not like we get strippers and whores ALL the time...just some of the times.
yeah, there is sort of a double standard. But even though I have never had a boyfriend, I have never complained about some of my closer gur friends going out for a guy's night. they're usually just playing video games anyway :)
Great post. Your absolutely right in that it is a double standard. My wife understands the guys night out as much as I understand the girls night out. We agree no naked anything and then it's cool. It works out which is why we work out. I don't like double standards anywhere.
Yes, and I suggest staying away from the pussy whippers.
Nice post. I think it really depends on how much of a cling-on, and possessive the guy/girl is. It is true that I often heard girls complaining about "guy's night out" than girls going out and having a "girl's nice out". That doesn't mean guys don't complain about girl's having their night out. But why is that...?
I think the reason why is..... well flame me....
Girls don't get a long with other girls. - at least in my experience.
Guys are just more comfortable getting along with each other. We keep things simple, and it's objective base. We leave feelings aside, for the most part.
There's definitely a double standard. Not all women do it, as you pointed out, but it seems like fewer men complain about their gf's having a girls night than the other way around.
But I think it also has to do with how a person perceives the significant other's friends. For instance, some women don't really like their bf's friends because they may have said derogatory things to her or come across as being "pigs" in some way. She might think they'll turn him against her. Or a man might think a woman's friends are superficial and flighty and annoying and then worry that she'll start acting like them. I was cool with my ex spending time with his best friend instead of with me sometimes, but then again, his best friend was a really cool person. If I'd thought the guy was a creep, I would have resented it whenever my guy chose him over me.
i wouldn't care. i would want my boyfriend to go out with his friends and me go out with mine. i think it would be stupid if the girl calls the guy out for something that she's doing.
btw, i'm looking forward to seeing that movie. I read all the Shopaholics series and absolutely loved it. but i doubt the movie will live up to the novel.
I'd let my guy do that whenever he wanted..as long as it wasn't every night haha.
Maybe because some women (and I have to admit myself a little) think guys night out as a stereotyped movie scene where they hit the strip club or something like that..especially if all their riends are single, and maybe that's why so many have a problem with it? I dont know, that would be the only hesitant I would have letting my guy have a night on the town with his boysGNO is the best! It's natural for the significant other that stays home to feel maybe a hint of neglect. I don't think there is a double standard in that respect. Men just don't discuss their emotions/feelings as much as women. So nobody hears about men complaining when their GFs have GNO.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - yeah, for me it's like that.. really just depends on the friends. But I'm fine with pretty much all of them
of course there's a double standard. for a girl, a girl's night out consists of drinks and dancing with her lady friends, that's it, nothing more. and if you dance with a guy, it's JUST dancing (whereas for some guys its more equivalent to sex). but in a girl's mind (and i'm not justifying this i'm just saying how it can be for some) a guys night out consists of the boys going out and hitting on women and picking up chicks...basically a more wild night than a girls night. clearly in some cases this can be an irrational fear but it is one for some girls nonetheless.
I've never run in to that problem, probably because my girlfriends have never been so controlling as to try and keep me on a short leash and that there really is not much trouble myself and my friends can get up to.
I agree that it is a double standard if a girl won't let her significant other have a night out when she takes them.
Wow, definitely a double standard. I hate when women do that. If I had a guy I wouldn't mind if he hung out with the boys every once in a while. It's not a big deal.
I rarely have socials and dub them "Girls Night Out," though. Usually it's because many of my close friends are single anyway, and if a guy actually wanted to come along then we'd be okay with it. They should have a movie just for guys to go see, and then I'd laugh at all the girls who want to bitch about it.
Not for me. I don't mind when my boyfriend goes out with his friends, and he doesn't mind when I do it either. Sometimes I stay home alone, or sometimes I call one of my own friends and end up going out.
I think it is probably so much different nowadays then back. Females have alot more out there for them, then before. Clubs and male strippers for women did not exist before. You look at "GIRLS GONE WILD", females can get pretty out going for not too much. Guys just get stupid, and of course I am SURE, given the opportunity, sexual situations happens. But if it does, it takes TWO, to make something happen....
@Create_Passion@xanga - Hmm, this is exactly what I was thinking (girls night out dancing), but the conclusion I drew was the total opposite. Girls have nights out (clubbing) to bolster their self esteem, prove they're still hot and desirable and have random guys fawning over them, dancing with them, hoping to take them home for the night, tease them, and shoot them down because they have a man at home. Girls nights in are totally different, and are great. Girls sleepovers, sure. We figure they just spend their time letting their periods sync up, complaining about their boyfriends, swapping gossip, having naked pillow fights, and sharing showers.
Guys tend to want to get together to be do things they can't do with their girlfriends. Burp and fight and swear and make dirty jokes and drink until they do stupid things. They don't go and pick up girls unless they're cheating (largely because they're NOT going to turn them down at the bedroom door, youknowwhatimean?).
Some double standards I see as good and with legitimate reasons. This one, I don't quite understand. Personally, if I were dating a girl who wouldn't let me "hang with the boys" it'd be an instant deal breaker. Then again, most of my close friends are female... but that's another story entirely.
I agree with this post. If women want to have girls' nights out with
their "girl friends" then guys should be allowed to have guys' nights
out without their girlfriends being there.
And neither the man nor the woman should be jealous of that time people spend with their friends.
definite double standard.
the thing that really pisses me off is that closed screening, if it ocured with a male movie, the uprising would be ridiculous
but i guess we got to live with some double standards.
Yupppp. I think it's more though that a lot of men don't particularly care if something is "women only" because the way we're wired and brought up, if something is for "women" then by default that likely means we wouldn't like it anyways. So why bother?
Guy #1: So I hear this movie premiere is only for girls.
Guy #2: Who cares dude? It's some chick flick about shopping anyways. Why would we want to go watch that?
I believe though that there will always be some woman who gets angry when something is "for men only" even if she doesn't particularly care about it all that much. It's just the mentality of it all; for some women, the idea of being left out of anything because of their gender (regardless of what it is) is horrific and has to be rectified.
Most men would only care if it was something we wanted to do. If Isla Fisher's new movie was about her running through an alien jungle in a scanty bikini while blowing up robots during a climactic battle against the Predator, then we might get a little ticked off if we couldn't go watch it on account of our having penises. But since it isn't we don't care.
Slut? I don't know of such word.
@Create_Passion@xanga - with all due respect, that must be in your world. i've got female friends who cross boundaries with the GNO thang while their hubs are in Iraq or Kuwait... as their moms or sisters keep their kid or kids for that night. some will hope to "get some" after da club with contingency plans and what not afterwards. then, they'll keep it secret -- with their mom and/or sis in on it, too.
guess infidelity transcends all gender lines these days, eh?
of course, you are right with da men, too -- at least with buds that i know, as well.
And quite a few girls on a "girls' night out" ain't exactly angels either. I suggest they smell their own poop to check if it stinks.
I have no problems with my boyfriend spending a boys' night with his friends. I think a guy needs his bromance time to feel socially connected. In fact, I would encourage that we spend a night away from each other with our own friends once in a while. I think girls don't like the idea of 'a boys' night out' out of the fear of what could happen, especially if their men hang around friends who are single. On the other hand, guys tend to worry less about 'what could happen' so they have no problem with their girls going out. It's not necessarily a double standard issue, but more of insecurity issue. But at the end of the day, it's all about giving your bf/gf enough freedom, as long as they don't abuse it.
double standard for sure.
It is a double standard, and like any other, is full of shit.