Monday, 19 January 2009
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The Weekend Ponder: Treating Women as Equals
Guest blog by wherethefishlives
By Friday, everyone’s attention span has been used up like a nightwalker’s vagina, so I thought I’d cap off this week’s blog with something short and sweet.
Since I don’t post on weekends, this will give us something to discuss until Monday (it's here) slaps us on the ass again.
So the featured post, “The Clueless Guy’s Guide to Chivalry”, got me thinking about this time when I was leaving the mall and held the door open for a woman who stopped dead in her tracks and said very self-righteously, “Thanks, but I can do that myself.”
I sort of laughed, the same way I laugh when anybody says something out-of-the-blue bitchy to me. I did this laugh a lot when I worked in retail.
*flasbhack*
Me: (handing over bags) “There ya go, ma’am. You have a good day!”
Customer: “I just provided you with business, and you’re not going to thank me?”
Me: “lol”
*end flashback*
The self-righteous woman was black too, so I don’t know if she thought I was flaunting my non-racism by holding the door open for her.
Perhaps she felt that I, the upper-middle class white man, was trying to make up for the hundreds of years of oppression her people have endured by holding the door open for her at JC Penney.
The fact of the matter is that I hold the door open for anyone and everyone.
Anyway, what I’m wondering is if women really expect or even want this kind of chivalrous treatment.
They don’t want to be seen as the weaker sex or be unfairly treated in the workforce, so is randomly standing up when they excuse themselves to the restroom really respecting their wishes?
Ladies, do you like it when men treat you like the more delicate sex?
Men, are you always chivalrous towards women or do you just do it to when first getting into a relationship with them?
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About the Author
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- From: wherethefishlives@xanga
- Name: Sam
- About Me: It's a blog I use to write things I shouldn't say out loud.
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Comments (35)
Keeping the door open for someone is just common courtesy, whether women or men do it. I can let out my feminist opinions sometimes, but she just sounds like a brat. And if any women were to be insuolted by something like that is taking it a little too far.
Kudos to you for being polite,lol
To me holding the door open or pulling out a chair is not about being the weaker sex... it is more of courteous and respectful factor. And to me for a woman to get offend that someone is being courteous to her is the crime in all of it. It is sad that women seem to obscure the politeness and courteousness with being considered the weaker sex. I am a woman and if someone holds open the door for me they get a big fat Thank you in return. It is the respectful thing to do in return for the respectful thing they have just done for you.
Most of us want doors held open - as long as we still have the kids courtesy is nice. Some women get really offended by it though, to be honest they just annoy me. Standing up when we leave the table is a bit far for me though.
And what the hell is with that women when you were in retail? Dear God you shouldn't thank people for buying stuff from your store! You don't even get the profit from what you just sold her! And you just provided her with a service. She should thank you. Stupid self-righteous woman. (When I worked in retail I used 'thank you' so much there was never a chance this could've happened to me. It was like a nervous twitch.)
Holding the door open is just common courtesy. And I don't mind being treated with courtesy at all. People, some women especially, need to get over the "weaker sex" stigma and realize that they do need help sometimes, ie when leaving a store and carrying a ton of shopping bags, someone holding the door open for you is a great thing! or trying to reach something on the top shelf, when you cant reach, or carrying something too heavy for you. There are hormonal differences in men and women that make some things easier for men to do. Plain and simple. Men and women are different and have different "disabilities" (I use that term very loosely).
on another note, maybe the lady was having a rough day and had been treated like a child by someone earlier in the day. There are always 2 sides to a story
Women just want their cake and to eat it too.
I think it's just polite to holed the door for someone. I do it, and I encourage my children to do it... If someone else holds the door for me I always thank them... and I don't consider it a sexist thing either way...
Now a guy opening my car door for me... I like it getting into the car, but I can't stand waiting to get out... And if neither happens I'm never upset over that either... What can I say... I'm easy.
@coolmonkey@xanga - Doesn't EVERYONE?!
i would have replied back with, "you're not going to thank me for holding the door open for you?"
I like it when people respect me. Nobody likes to have a door swing shut on them.
I've never really thought of holding a door as chivalrous, really. It's just something people do, regardless of gender (well, it's something people around here do... I don't know about the rest of the country).
jeez, how impolite. If I were a guy and that happened I would've been like, "Are you sexist? If I was a girl would you have said the same thing?"
I'm a girl and I hold open doors for whomever, and I appreciate it when others do the same for me.
Opening the door is very respectful and couteous and I do it for anyone..regardless.
Some women get offended when guys do that because they think the guy might be trying to make a move on her because maybe something has happened before in their lives that disturbed them or offended them dramatically. Just continue being couteous, and if anyone gives you that reply again, just be ok with it and walk off. It will definantly help the both of you. :)
I don't mind either way, just don't make it a regular thing. And that customer sounds like a c-nt!
Interesting questions. As a woman I expect common courtesy (which I believe I give to others) but not necessarily chivalry. For example, if I'm only a couple feet behind you, I would expect you to at least prop the door open for me as you're walking in (and not slam it shut in my face), but you don't have to stand aside and wait for me to walk through. I pretty much only stand aside (as opposed to just propping it open behind me) for elderly people or if someone has their hands full and would obviously have difficulties opening the door themselves.
However, I'm not insulted when guys do that (stand aside to let me go in first). And I ALWAYS say "thank you." I think the lady you had an encounter with seems kinda bitchy. I worked with a girl once who would NEVER walk through a door that a guy held open, and it just brought unnecessary attention to the whole issue of women being the "weaker sex." I agree that the standing up when a woman leaves the room is a bit much.. maybe if it were my significant other in a fancy restaurant but even then it's not necessary.
Bottom line is chivalry is nice but not necessary.
Well, put it this way, if you had just let the door shut in her face she wouldn't have liked that either!!
Why would her race have anything to do with it? I think it was dumb of you to make that assumption. There are self-righteous women of every race.
Anyway, please, continue to be a gentleman! The way people respond to your actions, especially when you are just being nice, is a reflection on them, not on you. Continuing to be polite to people shows good character, which most worth-it people appreciate. I know I do!
I am female, and I hold the door open for people behind me all the time. It is just common courtesy.
holding the door open for someone is okay, but it crosses the line when a guy does all the unnecessary things like helping with her chair or getting up when she does. because personally, its nice for people to do nice stuff to you, but it gets downgrading when guys make it seem like we're totally useless and they have to do it for us.
Wow...that woman sounded defensive.
It's just a common gesture of courtesy. Women AND men hold the door open for me if I'm close enough, and I do the same thing. It's not like you ran in front of her to hold the door open, right? If someone is right behind you, it's no big deal.
When I was younger I didn't want to be treated that way--having the door being opened for me, pulling out my chair, etc. I thought it meant, "You're a girl, you're weak and you can't do anything." But now I appreciate when a guy does it for me, it's his way of showing respect. I don't expect it from them, though. But once it gets over the top I might laugh and tell them to take it easy.
holding the door isn't chivalry- it's common courtesy. I do it too whenever I can. but hell yeah ; ] one for chivalry, please.
but not when the guy feels obligated to do so, but when he wants to. and yes, those do exist.
i don't understand the door thing. I always hold the door open for anyone behind me and I feel like people do the same for me. Personally though I think the best thing is just to treat everyone with kindness and consideration, regardless of what gender you are or they are.
that beyonce song, "independent women" is running through my head now lol.
@LaBellaMorena@datingish - her race *may* have had something to do with it for the same reason that her sex most likely did. we can all agree that women and men are equal, and whites and blacks are equal, and rich and poor are equal. When a woman is prone to be defensive when a man holds open a door for her it is usually because she thinks the guy is saying that because she is lesser, she should be grateful for the greater person stooping to help her from her sad state. Sort of the same as some people get when someone who has plenty of money offers to help them out when money's tight, they want to do it themselves. I think it can apply to race in the same way. While we are all equal, we still have perceived differences, the stereotypical white (especially male) is at least solidly in the middle class, likely upper class, while the stereotypical black person (of either gender really) is lucky if they are lower middle class.
so yeah, I think it could easily have to be with her being black, or with him being white, whichever way you prefer to look at it. It also may only be because he is male and she is female.
Or she may have awful OCD, and if she doesn't open each door herself (while avoiding all the lines on the floor of course), she'll flip out. See? that way it has nothing to do with her color or sex!
@AdveniatRegnumTuum@xanga - Haha, lol. OCD. ^^ Nice.
Your little flashback gave me a flashback to when I was a grocery bag boy. A lady want just two bags of groceries carried out for her and I did so, gladly, but with the thought no tip was coming my way. She had a corvette and asked that the bags be set behind the passenger seat. As I bent over to set the bags in, I felt her hand slide in my front pocket, move slowly to the middle and slide slowly back out. I'm sure I was a little flushed when I told her "thank-you" and went back inside the store. The assistant manager ran up to me and said in a harsh tone "I saw that!" then he quietly said "how much did you get?" I reached in my pocket to remove a 5 dollar bill. I then thought to myself - if this is what being treated as a hunk of meat is like, KEEP IT COMING!
just do it to when first getting into a relationship with them, after all, men and women are equal.
I don't think holding the door open is treating me as the "weaker sex." I want to be respected intellectually, but I don't consider being polite and treating me as a lady as disrespecting me. That goes for all the chivalrous moves... As for merely holding the door open... I do it all the time for both sexes. It's just manners...