Monday, 12 January 2009

• Why Girls Are Aliens

  
  

  
  

  That's right, folks.  I’m going to say what 50% of the human population is afraid to say...GIRLS are aliens. 
  

  I mean think about it...anything that makes no sense, behaves strangely, constantly fights for power, and bleeds without dying, is a full-fledged alien.  my monkeys in Uzbekistan have conducted a thorough investigation into this matter and have come up with these chilling and shocking findings....proof to the world that girls....are aliens.  *cue dun dun DUN music*

  1.  Shoes
  Many of these aliens wear astronomically altitude-altering shoes that change their presupposed height.  In addition, some wear 'heels' which is nothing more than a shishkebob stick on a shoe.  It is clear that they are using some gravitational floating apparatus to maintain 'walking' let alone standing.
  

  2.  Alien clothes
  Two words: sleeveless turtleneck.  I mean, that piece of clothing alone makes absolutely no sense.  A sure fire clear sign that girls are aliens.

  3.  Seasonal transformation
  In the summer, these aliens hypnotize us with their clean shiny legs...but ever see their yearly transformation?  Next time during the winter, when you're with a girl, lift her pants legs up.  BAM...you'll notice that they transform into this Michael J Fox teen wolf monstrosity.  You'd swear that you're hanging out with Robin William's arms.  It's just a taste of what they really look like.

  4.  Cryptic language
  It’s a known fact that it only takes womanologists to fully understand what a girl is saying.  they speak their own language.  Ever notice that when two girls who haven't seen each other in a long time...you'll hear a super high pitched scream.  to you, you might think this is just a scream of joy, but no.  It is their secret alien language.  In addition, ever notice that these aliens never can ask for things directly?  For example, if they want your jacket, they'll say "its cold."  If they want to take a walk in the park they say "its such a nice day today...like a park day."  If they want ice cream they'll say "I want something cold and creamy and in a cone."  It is clear that they are not from this world.

  5.  Money
  Isn't it interesting that 99% of the time, girls do NOT have money.  Well, its basically because they need to put money into their spaceships.  A superhydrophonicspace capacitor is not a cheap thing to maintain which is why girls are so bad at managing their money.  In addition, if you'll ever date one you'll notice that not only will you see her with no money, you'll also notice your money slowly disappearing.  That's just her taking your money to send back to her planet.

  6.  Alien names
  Ever notice girls being attracted to certain names?  Next time, check out all her brand name stuff...you'll notice weird alien names like "GUCCI" and "PRADA" and "FERRAGAMO."  I mean, think about it...how would name their kid "GUCCI" or their dog "CHANEL."  I know who would....Aliens.

  7.  Metrosexuals
  I'm hearing this new trend a lot these days.  Men in major cities groom themselves, get their nails done, dress in brand name clothing. They're called metrosexuals- hetero men who just are a little bit more sensitive to their lifestyle....you wanna know what I call it?  I call it Alien evangelism. That's right. Notice a lot of girls like metrosexuals and support it in their men?  It's their attempt to convert us human men into alienhood.  Not me baby. You won't catch me using guavacreme, apple flavored raspberry, extract shampoo with a loofa....

  8.  Love
  But in the end its clear that, through all their little antics and their crazy alien ways...though we may never understand it, nor fully grasp it, we appreciate their ways, their hugs, and ultimately who they are. 

  Or maybe I just wrote that last stuff for fear of my life that they will come and brainwash me. 

  Either one.

  So are women really aliens or are they just trying to look for something in men but just don't know how to express it?
  

  
  

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