Friday, 09 January 2009

• Being Single Means You're a Ninja

  
  

  
  

  Now, this entry is going out to all the guys that are single and are completely bummed that they can't get with a girl. In any event, I was thinking about what could possibly assuage your lonely state by acceptance, and yet save face. Then it dawned on me...
  

  Be a friggin' ninja. NINJA AIN'T NEED NO GIRLS!

  Ok, I'm being serious! Why not?! Being a ninja would be perfect for any single guy, and it's not like you would have to be a ninja forever! You can just take off your mask, put away your ninja stars, and stop your silent walking once you see a girl that you dig. 

  It will just be a temporary solution while you're still single. It's a great reason why you don't have a girlfriend! So, because you need to plead your case when someone asks you why you have no girlfriend, you can say, "Because I'm a ninja," for these reasons:

  1. Ninjas Can't Communicate
  It's a simple fact that ninjas don't talk, so there would be no need for cell phones. If there's no cell phones, there's no girls calling him at 4 in the morning saying stuff like, "Where are we? As in us?" or, "Do you remember the first time we met? Can you tell it to me?"

  Also, you save uber amounts of money from phone bills. Sweet! Also, when she asks you if she's fat and you have no response... it's ok! 'Cause you're a ninja and that's why you're single!

  2. Ninjas Are Badass
  Another key thing about ninjas is, who wouldn't want to be a ninja? Ninjas are so cool that they make being single for the rest of your life seem cool. In fact, ninjas are so cool that if I saw one doing a number 2, I would think it's cool. They are that bad ass. So bad ass that when they pull out their wallet, it would actually say "Badass" on it.

  3. Ninjas Kill Other Ninjas
  What's a better way to help your chances in getting a girl in the future than killing other single ninjas that are out there? It's like helping the statistics in your favor.

  4. Ninjas Don't Have Emotions
  Nothing is more frustrating to a girl than having a mate that doesn't emote or express his feelings etc. All the more reason why ninjas can't have girlfriends-- they can only express themselves through their eyebrows. And trust me, that would annoy the living piss out of a girl. 

  5. Ninjas Can Escape Anything
  Imagine being stuck watching a movie with Mandy Moore in it. PURE HELL. But don't worry, you're a friggin' ninja. You can slip out, leave one of your snakeskin dummies behind, and be on your way. Bam, you're saved from a terrible movie.

  6. Ninjas Have No Gifts To Give
  Another reason why ninjas can't have girlfriends is 'cause they're not gift giving people. I mean, when's the last time you saw a ninja with a huge wrapped box with a bow on it? 

  NEVER. Ninjas have no gifts to give. The only thing they have to offer is ninja stars... and maybe a crane kick to the head. Last time I checked, those were at the bottom of the list of "What Girls Want."

  7. Ninjas Simply Don't Get Questioned
  So imagine you're at a family gathering, and your nosy uncle or aunt asks you why you don't have a nice girlfriend. Simply say, "'Cause I'm a ninja," and bam... end of conversation. 

  Nobody ever questions a ninja. I mean, who would have the balls to question a ninja? I wouldn't. They'll nun-chuk my head to death. Ninja's simply don't get questioned.

  8. Ninjas Can't Be Trusted
  Ninjas don't have girlfriends simply because no girl would trust a ninja. The ability to sneak into any home, go in and out of any situation, abstain from disclosing any personal information or where they were last night, always wear black to hide the lipstick on his ninja head-- these are all characteristics of a guy that's cheating. No girl can trust a ninja.

  9. Ninjas Don't Get Laughed At by Other Guys
  And finally, none of your guy friends will laugh at you for being single. In fact, ninjas would make other guys wish they were single. I mean, who wouldn't want to have a wallet that said "Badass" on it?

  If your single, why aren't you a Ninja yet?  If you have a girlfriend, why haven't you dropped her and become a Ninja?

  
  

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