Tuesday, 30 December 2008
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Romance is for Suckers, Not Real Men
Guest blog by coolmonkey
I was particularly disheartened by a blogger that said he wanted to be a Noah (from The Notebook apparently, and not the guy that built the Ark). This belief in hyper-romance is misguided and a monumental waste of time.
Seriously, men have more important things to do than to dream up ridiculous, impractical, and quite possibly dangerous romantic displays of affection (RDA).
The only people that have time to mastermind these schemes are Hollywood writers and guys who haven't been laid so long, all that pent up sperm is getting backed up into their brains. Real men don't have time for romance!Girls don't love Noah because he's romantic. They love him because he looks like Ryan Gosling. And while girls will think your ideas of romance are cute, you're still not going to capitalize off it anyway. Hell, you probably won't even get a hand job out of it.
The fact is, in the first 5 minutes of the date, the girl has already made up her mind if she is going to sleep with you, so it really doesn't matter what you do because her conclusion has been made.
So why go the extra mile when you don't have to? Spend that extra time and creativity into finding a cure for cancer or something.
Face it, if Noah looked like Steve Buscemi instead of Ryan Gosling, girls would not love The Notebook. I've been saying it for years, hot guys are romantic, and ugly guys are creepy. Girls are shallow too.
If your over the top RDA only affected individuals, then I would not bother even writing about this. But the problem is, your actions do affect us men as a whole.
Every time you dangle from a Ferris wheel, hold up traffic on a busy street, run through an airport terminal with guards chasing you, or let her have the last floatation device on a sinking Titanic while you become frozen shark food (if it were me, I'd say "bitch move over, there's clearly enough room for 2.), it raises the bar for the rest of us.
Now girls expect flowers, telephone calls, and the occasional risk of losing limb display of affection. Stop ruining it for the rest of us you jerks.
I'll leave you with an example of why RDA does not work:
I have a friend (no, it's not me) that had broken up with his girlfriend that he was madly in love with. When they broke up, he told me he was going to walk the entire 15 miles to her house to profess his love for her.
Naturally, I told him he was stupid and that no good would come from it. But he, being the hopeless romantic, was determined to go through with it anyway. I didn’t think he was serious until I realized he’d been missing for a few hours.
Then sometime late at night, he walks back in with the unmistakable look of defeat. Turns out, when he got there, his ex told him to go home and that she had already found someone else.
He walked 15 miles in the hot sun and sketchy neighborhoods just to have his broken heart steam rolled over. My buddy ended up calling his mom to pick him up and drive him home (I suspect he didn't want me to pick him up for fear of 40 minutes of "I told you so" on the car ride back).
I told him he was stupid for doing all that, and all he said was, "Yeah, but at least it was romantic as Hell. It's the walk of Love, man." I just shook my head in disgust.
Why do some men invest so much effort and put so much on the line for something that can so easily implode in their faces? Do you think she will have sex with you 100 times better? Is it a hobby? Or are they doing it because they get brainwashed by Hollywood?
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- From: coolmonkey@xanga
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Comments (100)
damn. poor guy. well i think with love, lust, infatuation, obsession, and consideration that is probably why all these men do that.
I don't think its bad to be romantic, i think you just have to find someone who appreciates it.
i think hollywood entices it, but then its solely up to that person's character.
I'm sorry, I have to admit I'm one of those guys. Perhaps Hollywood may have brainwashed me just a little, but I genuinely enjoyed doing romantic stuff with my past girlfriends. I guess it's my way of showing my appreciation to them.
I have to disagree that there isn't enough time to do romantic things. Trust me, if you really go for it you can make time, despite distance, school, work, etc. I, personally, was well rewarded for my effort (even the failed ones haha). I guess that was part of the reason why I kept doing stuff like that. The other reason is probably because I'm a bit foolish X_X, but I'm okay with that.
regardless, yes it was stupid of your friend, but say if that girl happen to take him back cause of it. say if it didn't end that way, than you'd probably be writing a different blog..wouldn't you? or not mention your friend at all. however think of the many other sweet things a guy has done for a girl, what a great story to tell your kids. as for you notebook remark. i actually thought the guy who played Noah was ugly. lol. however after seeing the characters personality..i slowly fell in love with the character, and he started to look sexy. i had a guy friend who kept tryin..even when i wasn't attracted to him, and long be hold it works. so who are you to say that men can't do that. i just think your a prude.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - yay you for being that guy! **HUGS**
Personally, I'm really not into "romantic" guys.
However, most girls that I know are really into that thing.
So yes, being romantic can actually win some girls over.
Now girls expect flowers, telephone calls, and the occasional risk of losing limb display of affection.
Okay. So the losing the limb part was an exaggeration, but is it really THAT big of a deal to buy a girl flowers every once in a while? And phone calls? Really? I don't understand how that is asking too much.
Girls just like to know that they matter to you. You don't have to bring her flowers everyday (that screams "Walk all over me, please and thank you"), but if you've been together for six months, flowers might be in order. It's nice to know if I cross your mind during the day - a quick call or text is more than enough.
Maybe my perception is skewed since I'm in a LDR for a majority of the year. Who knows.
ps. Ryan Gosling's a sucker. I don't like him or that movie.
@bluedreamer85@xanga - @Roadlesstaken@xanga - hooray! Guys like you DO exist! And I thought you were mere legends - really. I had thought that those who do romantic things are only after sex, and once they have it - why bother?
So glad to see you are for real, cause I wouldn't have believed it anywhere else. This took guts for you to post on this page!
@LadyAsianInvasion@xanga - @IMChurchmouse@xanga -
Thanks
. I'm not trying to prove myself or anything by admitting that; it's just something I've accepted of myself over the years. I'm a hopeless cause as you might say.
BTW, although I'm a sucker for rom-coms, I wasn't as into The Notebook as other people were. I don't know why.
p.s. To the OP; 15 miles IS a tad excessive haha. Perhaps a couple of miles, at most.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - honestly - I wasn't into that movie much either...and I'm female =D.
@IMChurchmouse@xanga - uhh im not a guy..
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - ....but "You've Got Mail" is a whole different matter..!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - i figured, but still it's nice to hear that there are a few men out there that love the romance. *sigh*
@bluedreamer85@xanga - LOL, sorry sista!
@IMChurchmouse@xanga - hahha its ok. =)
Hah, wow.
We need more romantic guys not less..
Is it so much to go a little out of your way to show someone you really love them? If you can't even dedicate a small amount of effort..then my friend, you've never really been in love.
RDA is not the problem. The real problem is choosing when, where, how, and who to do the RDA to. The problem is when guys make the RDA about them and using RDA to show off to the rest of the how they're such great guys without any consideration of what the girl/woman wants. It's called read the situation. But no one is born knowing how to read the situation, you just have to learn through trial and error as you figure people out. What I've learned is that some guys are pretty unapologetic to others guys for trying and failing, but you never win if you never try. And it's always easier to be objective when you're not involved in the relationship to see what is really going on.
End of story, RDA has a time and place. Don't abuse it to show off without reading the situation. It will backfire on you. Some people care more about being in love than loving that particular person and it plainly shows. How did walking 15 miles do anything for her? Does that make him a better guy or more her type? I'm sorry, but no. It just makes him a guy that tries really hard, but if that is not what she wants, there's just nothing he can do about it.
And no, I would not generalize that 5 min sex decision to all girls or women.
Two problems.
1) Degree. You come to the (correct) conclusion that walking 15 miles to your ex's house is dumb, and the risking-the-loss-of-limb is dumb. Therefore, you say, the phone calls and flowers are also dumb.
Conclusion does not follow, dude. You are trying to equate all Romance (general) with Risky Romance (specific). That's like trying to equate all Sports (general) with Shark Surfing (specific), and saying that because Shark Surfing is dangerous that all sports are dangerous.
2) Goal. You say that romance is pointless because "The fact is, in the first 5 minutes of the date, the girl has already
made up her mind if she is going to sleep with you, so it really
doesn't matter what you do because her conclusion has been made."
Whereas the goal of romance is in expressing a pre-existing love for the person involved. The purpose of romance is not to get you a "hand job" on a first date. So if you're having trouble "capitalizing" off of it, there's a reason. It's just like how, if you give a friend a birthday card, it won't stop them from being mad at you when they find out you wrecked their car. Just because it didn't stop them being mad doesn't mean that birthday cards are pointless.
I happen to be a real man. And I make time for romance. It's not in an attempt to get laid, and it's not to try to make the sex better--it's because I love my fiancee and want to express my love for her. And heck, I'm not particularly all that good looking, or at least I'm no Ryan Gosling, so it ain't that either.
@ChrisRusso@xanga - I wish there was a way I could Rec your comment. Very good sir!
I agree with most of the other comments. I'm sorry you're so jaded, you remind me of myself, only I'm a chick. And I really do like romance, even if it's from creepy "non-hot" guys, as you would say, because it shows that someone cares. Romance isn't about trying to seduce someone into giving you a hand job, it's about something more.
PS- It really was the walk of love. I give your friend props for that.
@ChrisRusso@xanga - I wish you had written this post instead.
Oh, and do you have a brother with a similar attitude?
@ChrisRusso@xanga - I second ladylibellue! I wish you had written this post also. Your comment was both awesome and on point. Your fiancee is a lucky one!
Ugh. The Notebook was a really good book. The movie however, was terrible.
Phone calls and flowers are just a nice (ahem, romantic) gesture and showing someone that you care. You don't have to send flowers or do those things every day, but once in a while would be nice. You don't have to be overly cheesy about it. This is coming from a self-proclaimed cynical hag. :P
And it's probably not a great idea to go in a relationship with that kind of idea set in your mind. You won't get much out of her either, right?
@ChrisRusso@xanga - Well said, sir. It just made my comment seem pointless :)
~Amanda
Girls that don't like you see all this creepy. They like, then its cute. Everythings relative.
Actually from what I see the ugly guys are both creepy and romantic. The attractive guys are the jerks hehe.