Monday, 29 December 2008

• Mario Brothers is a Sick Twisted Fantasy Land

  
  
  So I was bored today. And like what people ALWAYS do when they're bored, they think about the classic Nintendo video game Super Mario Brothers.  But as I was thinking about this game it made no sense. 
  
  Ok, sure...angry mushrooms, slow moving bullets with faces on them, and some turtle dude with a million sledge hammers...those are the obvious but let's just assume this world is somewhat believable.
  
  So ignore the venus fly trap coming out of pipes, the spinning wheels of fire, and the toadstool who's neither a toad nor a stool.  Let's talk about the social relationships in this game.
  

  What's in the name
  First of all..the name...the game is called Mario Brothers. Its about two brothers but why would it be called Mario Brothers?  I mean, that's pretty messed up to Luigi who works just as hard as Mario to save the damn princess, yet the whole video game is called Mario brothers. 
  

  It should be called "Mario and Luigi....uh...they are brothers." Something like that.  UNLESS, the Mario in Mario brothers is their last name...but then socially speaking, thats a sucky name....Mario Mario. 

  The Toadstool
  Now, we all know the princess was on crack but what sucked was her little side kick, minion, slave guy named toadstool.  They should just change his name to "TOOL" cause that's what he was.  A total tool. 
  

  In fact, I'm not even sure why I'm calling him a "HIM" cause that's the most hermaphroditic mushroom hat wearing midget I've ever seen.  It sucks to be the toadstool cause i mean, damn....he/she was always the bringer of bad news.
  

  Think about it, Mario jumping his butt off, getting through all those obstacles, rabid turtles...only to end up in a castle with the damn toadstool breaking the bad news "thank you Mario!  but the princess is in another castle!"
  

  I mean, by the 10th castle Mario visited, don't you think toadstool should've at least been MORE specific where the princess was?  and how the heck did he get passed all the 10 levels of obstacles to even beat Mario to the castles?  He/she's a cheater...but it still sucks to be him/her.  which is why he/she wins the coveted

  

  The ending
  Ok...the end, where Mario finally saves princess and they run off together while Luigi is stuck with hermie toadstool.  Let's think about this.  She was abducted by Bowser. 
  

  First of all, he's powerful, employs all these crazy angry mushrooms, has the technology to put wings on turtles which shows he's smart, and owns a whole array of flying ships. 
  

  It's obvious we're dealing with a rich mofo.  But nooo, at the end, the princess runs off with the plumber.  A PLUMBER.  MARIO IS A FRIGGIN PLUMBER. 
  

  I dunno about you, but how many times have you called your plumber and watched the full moon as he bent over and went, "Damn, I gotta get me some of that!"  NEVER.  WHY WOULD YOU RUN AWAY WITH THE PLUMBER.  WHY!? 
  

  And he's friggin weird lookin!  He's like a midget Tom Selleck.  OK, granted Bowser ain't much to look at either, but heck, if in the end when the Beauty kissed the Beast and got a Michael Bolton ass clown look alike, imagine Bowser, who's worse looking, would turn into.  The worst he would turn into is a Clay Aiken.  And lets not forget the king, I would slap some sense into my daughter princess for running off with a plumber.

  Bottom line..Mario brothers is some sick twisted Jerry Springer fantasy land full of rabid turtles, and oompa loopas.

  Does Mario Brothers make any sense to you?
  

  
  

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